Alright, who’s ready to feel sick and ill at the same time? You? Let’s go. FIFA is cleaning up its act. FIFA is getting its s*** together. That’s hard work — they were mired in metaphorical defecation up to the neck following the reign of corruption’s Sepp Blatter. It’s such a grind piecing together the fallen remnants of football’s global governing body that newly elected FIFA president Gianni Infantino will receive $1.52 million, a car, housing and a monthly expense limit of $2,025 for his troubles.
Things aren’t going to fix themselves after all! Infantino has to attend pompous ceremonies where FIFA executives pat themselves on the back whilst mega-corporations sprinkle money down on them.
Ifantino has to preside over momentous decisions, like changing the rules so that the ball can finally be played backwards straight from kick-off.
Infantino has to figure out the who, what, when and where of purchasing votes to prolong his presidency.
Infantino has to figure out how he can best effectively ruin the World Cup finals during his time in charge — should it be expanded to include all 196 countries in the world today? Should it be hosted in the Sahara Desert? Should we view the use of technology in the game much like we view selfie sticks at a concert?
For these decisions, on top of many other pressing issues, Infantino will make nearly four times as much as the President of the United States. You know, the person who leads the executive branch of the federal government and serves as the commander-in-chief of the most powerful armed force the world has ever seen.
Yeah, Infantino does soccer stuff. Soccer stuff's big business.
According to FIFA, the president “presides over the FIFA Congress, Executive and Emergency Committee meetings and those committees of which he has been appointed chairman.”
Basically, he’s charged with observing the farce of a bunch of adults standing around in expensive suits voting on things that've already been decided before the vote even begins.
Not that a salary of $1.52 million is all that much. To FIFA, that’s peanuts. World Soccer’s Keir Radnedge rightly asserts that “these are the sort of sums for which no self-respecting, world economy-crashing banker would cross the road.”
These are the kinds of people who govern the world's game.
Having escaped any repercussions from an ethics committee review of some extremely abnormal spending put on the FIFA company card, Infantino is “pleased that this matter is now resolved and that I have a signed, valid employment contract.”
Hooray! Excuse me, I’m going to go cry and vomit simultaneously now.
(H/T: World Soccer)
Follow me on Twitter: @ConmanFleming