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Who Is Better Right Now: Cristiano Ronaldo Or Neymar?

After Cristiano Ronaldo’s $117 million transfer to Juventus FC on July 10 and with the constant meme flow of Neymar “Flop Master Crash” Jr. during the World Cup, the Portuguese and Brazilian are no strangers to harsh criticism. So in lieu of that, let’s pit the two buggers against each other and see who survives the fan warfare. This is Ronaldo vs Neymar. 

For those of you who think this is unfair, other than crying us a river, what’s wrong with a little playing with fire every now and then? Metaphorically, please don’t play with actual fire.

Before we begin, July 10 was also a day of tragedy and loss so respects must be paid. Rest in peace to Real Madrid’s fan base as we’ll most likely be seeing millions of casuals burning their jerseys in exchange for that gloriously black-striped Juventus kit. As long as Sergio Ramos lives, I have no sympathy.

Seriously though, the 33-year-old looks good in black and white:

Whereas Neymar, umm, does the alphabet really well?

Ronaldo vs Neymar

Show Me the Money!

First thing’s first, the moolah baby. Cristiano Ronaldo will most likely keep his place as the second-highest-paid footballer after Lionel Messi given his large accruement of endorsement money. The former Manchester United No. 7 had a salary of just under $24.6 million with Real Madrid and his Juventus salary is estimated to be almost $35 million. His endorsements remain a huge factor with an estimate of $47 million.

So where’s this supposed wage cut exactly? Along with the Juventus deal and the fees paid to Real Madrid, Forbes estimates only a $2 million cut, which in the grand scheme of Ronaldo’s bank statements does not mean a single thing. However $2 million in monopoly money would give me a heart attack; seeing those bad boys in my account would probably revive my ancestors so that we can all have a cardiac arrest together.

American Tourister named Ronaldo brand ambassador this year which sounds pretty cool but the commercial is worse than his attempt to grow a goatee. Here, suffer with me please:

As for the star of the new Hollywood hit “The Flopinator,” Neymar’s monetary situation is a bit more juvenile given he’s only 26, seven years younger than Ronaldo. At Paris Saint-Germain, where they’ll buy what’s on sale or not, the Brazilian makes $43 million with a gross of $73 million according to Forbes.

Keep in mind Neymar’s football gross income is much higher than Ronaldo’s but the newly appointed Bianconero is a far more seasoned businessman. Neymar does have an impressive list of endorsement deals though with a prestigious collection of brands like Nike, Red Bull and Beats by Dre. He’s also the first footballer to have his own custom Air Jordan sneakers.

Easy win this round for Cristiano Ronaldo but don’t throw away Neymar just yet, he’s got plenty of time left to earn more. That’s unless karma finally kicks in and he gets injured for real instead of the usual poor attempt at breakdancing.

Winner: Ronaldo

Numbers Don’t Lie

Neymar doesn’t stand a chance. You can’t really compare a night stand drawer to a bank vault; Neymar is the lesser of the two in this comparison of course. There is no competition with achievements at all but let’s mildly humor this.

From his career point with Manchester United until the recent Juventus transfer, Ronaldo is a living football legend regardless of how we feel about him. After this transfer, I don’t think anyone knows how to feel about him anyway.

As for the World Cup, Neymar fares better than Ronaldo. He certainly has that leverage with a total of six goals in 10 matches within two World Cup tournaments. Neymar scored two in the Russia World Cup and four in Brazil’s 2014 World Cup with a yellow card and an assist in each one.

Ronaldo, with four World Cups participated in (2006-2018), has a total of seven goals in 17 matches with only one assist. He has a total of four yellow cards and only started scoring more than one goal per World Cup this year.

To name a few achievements of Ronaldo though, he has three Premier League titles, five Champions League titles with two different teams (one with Manchester United and four with Real Madrid) and five Ballon d’Or awards. That’s something Neymar can’t even grasp.

No one would really be surprised if Ronaldo won his sixth Ballon d’Or either

Neymar, on the other hand, has twice won the Nickelodeon Brazil Kid’s Choice Award for Favorite Athlete. That’s nice, I guess … OK, fine, the UEFA Champions League Top Goalscorer of 2015 is kind of special too.

Let’s show some mercy and move on.

Battle of the Super Fly

They’re both cultural icons with an often impeccable presence in the fashion world but which one is the superior trendsetter? On one hand we have the bombastic flavor of Ronaldo that is reminiscent of both Johnny Bravo and Ricky Martin. On the other hand, we have the Beckham-designed bratty yet cute boy next door.

I can’t believe I just thought that, wrote it and then read it with a smile on my face followed by a small sparkling tear for all the nonsensical standards of beauty worldwide. Well, whether we approve of or mimic the styles of Ronaldo and Neymar, the two former La Liga players have impressive feats.

Just take a look at Neymar with the ever-so-gorgeous Gisele Bündchen on the cover of Vogue Brazil:

Ronaldo also has been on the cover of Vogue España with Irina Shayk:

Not a big fan of any form of nudity; I also shower in my clothes in case you were wondering, but Ronaldo clearly wins this cover-off with Neymar. When it comes to music though, Neymar is a patron of the arts for several Brazilian musicians.

Musica Sertaneja is arguably Brazil’s definitive musical genre dating back to the early 1900s as it developed in the rural parts of the South American country. Sertaneja has its own category in the Latin Grammy Awards given its extreme popularity in Brazil and neighboring countries. Neymar’s support of the music has granted him larger fame in the musical circles of Brazil among the likes of Michel Telo, Gusttavo Lima and João Lucas & Marcelo.

Neymar’s filmography is twice as impressive having cameos in xXx: Return of Xander Cage, Brazilian comedy Os Parças and several music videos with the likes of Shakira and J. Balvin.

Remember his short and sweet meeting with Samuel L. Jackson?

Neymar even appeared in Brazilian rapper MC Guime’s “Pais de Futebol” video. Here they are probably playing FIFA and Neymar figured out how to make his player dive.

As for suits, Neymar also reigns supreme over Ronaldo and Messi too. The top hat look is super hard to pull off unless it’s Victorian Britain again and everyone’s conspired not send me a memo. Don’t get me wrong, Ronaldo’s taste is generally more refined and elegant, but the kid has that fresh mojo that reminds me of Prince. Neymar might not be able to rock some high heels but you get the point.

Neymar gets this round with relative ease.

Don’t get it twisted though, that’s only one point out of three for Neymar. I am personally not a fan of either but when the truth prevails, it feels real good and the truth is Cristiano Ronaldo is a far superior footballer than Neymar is. We can rest assured, or panic, that Neymar’s journey has a decently long path before we see him fade out of the spotlight like other Barcelona favorites Iniesta and Xavi.

Seriously though, the former went to Japan’s Vissel Kobe in his thirties while the latter went to Qatar’s Al Sadd SC in his thirties following the comfort and money. Ronaldo at least has the cojones to keep striving for a greater legacy. Juve will either prove his ego’s destructive nature or his character’s perseverance.

Cristiano wins Ronaldo vs Neymar.

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