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The 18 Funniest Soccer Gifts You Can Buy Today

Not every gift needs to be good. Not every gift needs to be well-received by its owner. Not every gift needs to make the receiver feel joy and good cheer. Some gifts must enrage the person who gets them, in turn causing the giver to laugh themselves silly. Some gifts must necessarily be bad, because are you really friends with someone if you don't spend every waking second trying to annoy them?

Reader, the answer is no. In that spirit, we have compiled a list of the 18 funniest and worst gifts you can get for a soccer fan. We promise they will not disappoint. Or, rather, we promise that they will definitely disappoint.

The 18 Funniest Soccer Gifts 

1. Soccer Poop Emoji Notebook

2. Soccer Poop Emoji Notebook (For Ladies)

3. Swansea City Eraser

4. Stoke City Ruler

5. Keep Calm Shirt

6. Model Bus

7. Lucas Vazquez

8. Mickey Mouse Hat

9. Jordan Henderson Mask

10. Cristiano Ronaldo Denim

11. Some Carabao

12. Chevy Cruze

13. "My Goal Is To Deny Yours" Shirt

14. Steven Gerrard Mug

15. MLS Extra Time 2002

16. Neymar Barcelona Poster

17. Bastian Schweinsteiger Nazi Doll (Just Kidding Don't Buy This)

18. Cristiano Ronaldo Statue Pillow

Soccer Poop Emoji Notebook
Funniest soccer gifts - poop emoji
Artrise | iStock

Funniest Soccer Gifts - Soccer Poop Emoji Notebook

What kind of sick, twisted, depraved mind came up with this concept? And what sick, twisted, depraved minds went along with it? This is not a soccer poop emoji journal. This is a cry for help.

Soccer Poop Emoji Notebook — Gender Stereotypes Edition
funniest soccer gifts - pink poop emoji

Funniest Soccer Gifts - Pink Poop Emoji Notebook

Y'ALL THEY MADE A LADY VERSION. THE POOP IS PINK NOW! I am pretty sure that is not anatomically correct, but we are far past the point of picking nits here.

Swansea City Eraser
funniest soccer gifts - Swansea City eraser
@emoembroidery | Twitter

Hey, uh, it's too bad you can't, uh, erase Swansea's terrible record huh?

Stoke City 6-Inch Ruler
funniest soccer gifts - Stoke City Ruler
DAVIDS48 | iStock

Your friends would probably not be STOKED to find this in their stockings!!!!!

"Keep Calm And Pass It To . . ." Shirt
Funniest Soccer Gifts - Keep Calm shirt
@LaurentEric | Twitter

These shirts are funny because you should never pass to anyone. Keep all the glory for yourself.

Model Bus
Funniest Soccer Gifts - Model Bus
@latimes | Twitter

Funniest Soccer Gifts - Model Bus

Buy this for a Manchester United fan and watch them rage.

Lucas Vazquez Jersey
Funniest soccer gifts - Lucas Vazquez
@Dortmund_MP | Twitter

Imagine getting a Real Madrid jersey for Christmas and being excited and then turning it around and it's Lucas Vazquez.

Mickey Mouse Hat
Funniest Soccer Gifts - Mickey Mouse hat
@FoolishYIMIR | Twitter

You can buy a Mickey Mouse hat on Bayern Munich's website for some reason. On sale! Fifty percent off!

Jordan Henderson Mask
Jordan Henderson
photofriday | Shutter Stock

This mask will haunt your dreams, and the dreams of whoever you give it to. It will also run a lot. A LOT. Liverpool's website says the mask is "Ideal for parties." It is not that.

Cristiano Ronaldo Denim
Funniest soccer gifts - Cristiano Ronaldo denim
@hommesmy | Twitter

We have been over this already but please buy Cristiano Ronaldo's denim products. Cristiano Ronaldo: the most trusted name in denim.


Funniest Soccer Gifts - Carabao

Celebrate the current sponsor of the English League Cup by, uh, buying some. What is Carabao, exactly? We're not sure, but we can't be bothered to look it up because truly we have no interest in finding out.

Chevy Cruze
Funniest Soccer Gifts - Chevy Cruz
@hodgkinschevy | Twitter

Chevy is the jersey sponsor for Manchester United, and the Chevy Cruze is one of the most boring, unremarkable cars ever made. Bit like a Jose Mourinho side against another big team, really.

"My Goal Is To Deny Yours" T-Shirt
Funniest Soccer Gifts - My Goal Is To Deny Yours
@KAGoalkeeping | Twitter

The copywriter who thought this line up was probably very proud of his or her self, but the same effect could have been achieved with the line "I am a tremendous goober" or "I am a goalkeeper but there is literally nothing else interesting about me." MY goal is to deny this t-shirt.

Steven Gerrard Mug
Funniest Soccer Gifts - Steven Gerrard

Liverpool fans will love this. Trust us. If the mug slips it won't break, though.

MLS Extra Time 2002
Funniest soccer gifts - MLS Extra Time 2002
@JBramUSC10 | Twitter

Best Soccer Gifts - MLS Extra Time 2002

Why does this videogame exist and why is it for sale on Who even has an original XBox anymore?

Neymar Barcelona Poster
Agência Brasil Fotografias - Brasil estreia contra a África do Sul no Mané Garrincha | Wikipedia Commons

Funniest Soccer Gifts - Neymar Barcelona Poster

Neymar does not play for Barcelona anymore, but you can still buy a Barcelona Neymar poster. They're pretty cheap, for anyone who knows someone who pines for the good old MSN days.

Bastian Schweinsteiger Nazi Doll
Bastian Schweinsteiger
Harald Bischoff | Wikipedia Commons

We are not making this doll up. Do not buy it under any circumstances, even if you can find it. Nazis are bad.

Cristiano Ronaldo Statue Pillow
Ronaldo Bust
Matija Zupan | Shutter Stock

Surely this grinning imp will help you sleep more soundly at night.

Now go out there and make someone you care about extremely angry!

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