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Opinion: Extra Time Is Abysmal And We Should Go Straight To Penalties Instead

I feel very strongly about this opinion.

Extra time is about as entertaining as watching your parents try to pick out furniture. You’d rather be anywhere else on the planet than stuck watching extra time. Those must be the worst 30 minutes of bonus time.

The geniuses down at CONMEBOL have the situation figured out and said screw this half hour of garbage time, let’s just get to the good stuff. Did I want to watch Colombia park the bus for another 30 minutes against Argentina? Hell no. Instead, we got to watch a bomb-ass penalty shootout.

Watching the Euro semifinal games only reaffirmed my belief that extra time needs to go. The battle between Italy and Spain for who can play cagier in extra time was as pleasant as nails on a chalkboard. It’s 30 minutes of my life I’m never getting back that could have easily been shortened.

England vs. Denmark wasn’t any better. Whoopty doo, we saw Raheem Sterling get tripped by Casper the Friendly Ghost and got to watch the Three Lions pass it around the back for 15 minutes. Quality content.

If my 16 years of schooling have taught me anything, it’s that I need to present my arguments in the form of a three-pronged thesis.

Thesis: It’s in the best interest of the soccer overlords to get rid of extra time because the extra 30 minutes provides minimal entertainment due to cagey play, fatigued players and not being anywhere near as cool as a penalty shootout.

Cagey Play

Too often teams are hesitant to push players forward out of fear of being caught out during extra time. The solution for this is monotonous movement of the ball that culminates into nothing. Both teams refuse to send players forward and instead we get 30 minutes of garbage time.

Fatigued Players

I don’t want to hear that stupid “battle of stamina” argument. I also don’t want to hear about how the better team gets screwed over because penalty kicks are luck. The better team had 90 damn minutes to win the game.

The last 30 minutes rarely offer any sort of class or skillful play. Too often a dumb mistake or a flop *cough* Raheem Sterling *cough* is the only difference between winning or losing. Fatigue-induced errors deciding a game is a way dumber way to lose than penalty kicks.

Penalty Kicks Are Cooler

Would I rather watch a penalty shootout or 30 minutes of ass-wipe time? I’m picking penalties every damn time. Everyone will crowd around a television set to watch penalties, not that extra-time garbage.

The UEFA Champions League had away goals in place to try to give teams an incentive to avoid extra time. With that rule gone I’m afraid that European competitions will see plenty more garbage time.

This is simply my own opinion and everyone is welcome to think what they want. I hold nothing against people who would rather watch paint dry than any other form of entertainment. If you like to go watch grass grow, then by all means go out there and do it.

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