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Abby Wambach's Retirement Is Not Going As Well As Planned

"Forget me," says Abby Wambach in her retirement-celebration commercial, brought to you by Gatorade. "Forget my number. Forget my name. Forget I ever existed."

At the time, I argued that that particular action on the part of the fans was impossible, and Wambach made it even more impossible this weekend when she got arrested for duii (driving under the influence of intoxicants) in Portland. 

According to the Portland Oregonian, Wambach was reportedly pulled over after running a red light. She then is purported to have failed sobriety tests.

Wambach apologized for the incident on her Facebook page:

Last night I was arrested for DUII in Portland after dinner at a friend's house.

Those that know me, know that I have always demanded excellence from myself. I have let myself and others down.

I take full responsibility for my actions. This is all on me. I promise that I will do whatever it takes to ensure that my horrible mistake is never repeated.

I am so sorry to my family, friends, fans and those that look to follow a better example.

- Abby

The damage was already done, though, because the soccer Internet has been overflowing with takes on everything from how this affects the USWNT to the relationship between the two senior national teams (One Nation. One Team. Lawl).


Drunk driving is bad, m'kay? This is normally where I would go on a rant about the perils of intoxicated driving, but I can't seem to find my soap box nor can I be bothered to run out and get a new one.

Nor can I be bothered to spout an opinion on the reaction Tweets from certain members of the USMNT, because it's such a non-controversy that the only outrage I could muster was that people were actually writing thinkpieces about Alejandro Bedoya's Tweets. Go elsewhere to find takes on that subject.

One more thing I'm not going to talk about: the impact this will have on the USWNT's legal battles with US Soccer, because there won't be any, unless it goes to court and Wambach is asked to testify and shows up drunk. People are actually asking this question wnd writing actual articles about it. And they should stop.

A few things: Wambach doesn't play for the USWNT anymore, even if she did her getting a duii would have zero influence on a lawsuit about whether women should get paid as much as men and, one more time, she doesn't play for the team anymore. She doesn't play for anybody.

If I robbed a bank, the University of Colorado wouldn't get in trouble just because I graduated from there. Right?

Everyone just calm down with the opinions, please. A person got a duii. Drunk driving is bad. Don't do it. You could hurt someone, or worse. The end.

Contact The18 Staff Writer Sam Klomhaus at or follow him on Twitter @SamKlomhaus 

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