Welcome to the lower depths of English football, where the pitches are 90% mud, the players have proper jobs and attendances are in double figures. Welcome to a place where you can bring your dog to watch football and the subs’ bench is just that. Welcome, my friends, to the Football Conference.
But don’t let us fool you into thinking the Conference is some sort of footballing hovel. Lord no. As we’re about to demonstrate, the Conference is home to the man responsible for possibly the finest Rabona ever scored.