Trapped In The Net Like Some Sort Of Northern Pike, Andy Carroll Makes An Unreal Goal-Line Clearance

As glorious as Andy Carroll's return to Newcastle United in 2019 originally felt, it eventually only served as a reminder of the toll that time effects on us all. There was something poetically symmetrical about his final 19 Premier League games for the Toon back in 2010 producing 11 goals of the rough-riding and swashbuckling variety, while his return season yielded the same amount of appearances but zero goals.

It turns out the passing of a decade leaves us all, either literally or metaphorically, mutton-chopped, grumpier (throwin' elbows) and with a lot shittier ankles.

18-Year-Old Goes Full Superman On Ridiculous Scorpion Kick Goal

To Argentina’s reserve league we go for a Thursday morning match between Racing and Huracán, the site of two very good goals for the Avellaneda-based club.

The first was scored by 18-year-old Nicolás Meaurio. It’s a scorpion kick that takes on the form of a BMX Superman trick. It might lose a style point since the goalkeeper got his hand to it, but you can tell that the total unreasonableness of the effort caught him completely by surprise.    

Iranian Wizard Scores Magical Skill Goal That You Will Need Instant Replay To Understand

Benfica’s Futsal team defeated Hungarian side Haladás 8-3 in the Futsal Champions League on Wednesday. The real talk of the town is the incredible goal scored by Benfica’s Hossein Tayyebi. The Iranian pulled out some exquisite trickery to score Benfica’s third goal. Check out this Tayyebi goal.

There’s No Reason To Be Doing Anything But Watching Vinícius Jr. Right Now

It wasn’t a convincing win but Real Madrid defeated Athletic Club 1-0 on Wednesday night at the Santiago Bernabéu to open a seven-point lead over Atlético at the top of LaLiga (although los Colchoneros maintain a game in hand).

Athletic doesn’t make it easy for anyone — the Basque side entered this match with the division’s best defensive record after conceding 10 goals through 14 matches — but they came up against two of the planet’s most in-form players in Karim Benzema and Vinícius Júnior, and it was ultimately that duo that made the difference.

Boss Man Casually Steps Over Defender Before Unleashing Bicycle Kick In NCAA Tourney

For the second time in the men’s program’s history, the University of New Hampshire Wildcats have reached the NCAA Tournament Round of 16. The feat was accomplished Sunday after a 4-1 victory over North Carolina with every goal being scored in the first half.

New Hampshire defender Bridger Hansen opened the floodgates in the 23rd minute with one of my favorite bicycle kicks of all time. I’ve seen hundreds over the last few years — each one exhilarating in its own right — but I’ve never seen one that begins with the high-stepping of a prone defender. Style points achieved. 

Kick Off Your Weekend Right By Watching One Of The Greatest Bicycle Kicks You’ll Ever See

Unless you’re one of the 15 people in the United States that closely follows the Slovenian PrvaLiga, you probably haven’t had an opportunity to see this amazing bicycle kick by NK Radomlje’s Gedeon Guzina on Friday.

Guzina doesn’t even have a Wikipedia page, but he certainly deserves one after his incredible goal. 

I could tell you about the 27-year-old’s career in Bosnia or about Radomlje’s current standings, but I’ll skip all the fluff and just show you the goal.