South America

Remember Alexandre Pato? This is him now. Feel old yet?

On the one hand, Alexandre Pato isn't old — he's only 33. On the other, memories of his footballing career belong to the wizened generations. It's been a decade since his last appearance for Brazil and 12 years since that unforgettable goal against Barcelona.  

No VAR needed: Player sent off after dropping his pants and urinating on the field

When you have to pee, you have to pee. That's probably what Argentino de Merlo midfielder Leonel Ovejero was thinking when struck by the natural urge, so he decided to drop his pants and proceeded to urinate on the field where the game between his team and Sacachispas was being played.

Little did he know the act would cost him a straight red card.

Goalkeeper unleashes brutal flying kick on opponent, says it was not his fault

A Copa Sudamericana match between Peruvian side Universitario de Deportes and Argentina's Gimnasia y Esgrima de La Plata didn't end well. After losing the game and being kicked out of the competition, Gimnasia players went into sore-loser mode and started a gigantic fight on the pitch.

Brazilian defensive midfielder scores ridiculous 25-yard piss-missile bicycle kick game-winner

Brazilian defensive midfielder Guilherme Madruga scored a spectacular bicycle kick from distance in the second tier of Brazil on Tuesday to secure a 1-0 win for his club Botafogo-SP.

Madruga had yet to score a goal for the club this season, but on his 28th appearance he unleashed a Puskás-worthy strike.

It's a friendly, Leo, go easy on them! Messi scores hat trick on 36th birthday

It's probably for the best that Lionel Messi was way too busy to watch Inter Miami play on Saturday night. While the Herons were getting smacked 4-1 by Philadelphia for a seventh consecutive defeat in MLS, Messi was celebrating his 36th birthday in his hometown of Rosario and playing in a testimonial match for Newell's Old Boys legend Maxi Rodríguez.

Senegal put FOUR past Brazil as Sadio Mané scores a brace

Brazil's legendary national team has played 89 different countries over the course of its storied history but only two nations have managed to face the Seleção without tasting defeat. Norway, surprisingly, has a record of two wins and two draws against Brazil (including a famous victory at the '98 World Cup), and the other nation actually beat them on Tuesday: Senegal.

Luis Díaz hits the griddy and sets a new low for zombie-like Germany

Germany suffered a 2-0 home loss to Colombia in a friendly on Tuesday in their latest setback less than a year before they host Euro 2024.

Luis Diaz's 54th-minute header and Juan Cuadrado's penalty in the 82nd gave the visitors their first victory over the Germans, who were booed at the end.

The Germans, who have less than a year to build a battle-hardened team for the continental tournament, had needed two late goals to draw 3-3 with Ukraine last week before Friday's 1-0 loss to Poland.

Mark your calendar: CONMEBOL sets official dates for 2024 Copa América in USA

Hi there. CONMEBOL has some news for you all hungry-minded soccer fans: the dates for the 2024 Copa América in the U.S. are officially on the calendar.

So go to your phone and immediately block the 25 days the tournament will last. 

When is the 2024 Copa América in the U.S.?

The South American confederation published a video on social media sharing the dates for the 48th edition of the oldest international tournament in the world, and guess what? We're just 365 days away from the official kick-off.

Gerardo Martino se olvida del Tri: Dirigirá a Lionel Messi en Inter Miami

Gerardo Martino, conocido en el mundo como el Tata y recordado en México como uno de los más recientes villanos del fútbol azteca, dará un nuevo paso en su carrera. 

El técnico intentará olvidar su complicada etapa con el Tri y se pondrá el buzo del club sensación en los Estados Unidos: Inter Miami. Sí, Martino será el técnico de Lionel Messi en su próxima aventura en la MLS.

Tata Martino será el técnico del Inter Miami de Lionel Messi

Lo que era un secreto a voces terminará por hacerse oficial.

Inter Miami's Lionel Messi hammers one from 20 yards out for Argentina

Lionel Messi played his first match since announcing a jaw-dropping move to Major League Soccer's Inter Miami on Thursday. The 35-year-old captained Argentina in a friendly against Australia that was staged at Workers' Stadium in Beijing, China.

His misery in Paris is clearly behind him because it took Messi only one minute and 20 seconds to open the scoring.