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The CONCACAF Gold Cup Is Holding The Soccer Media Hostage

Hey it's the CONCACAF Gold Cup! Fun!

No. Not fun. Not fun for people who must watch this product. The soccer is bad at the Gold Cup. Real bad. Even the USMNT, the host nation and one of the favorites, is a shadow of itself. This is a soccer wasteland.

Let's see what some of our colleagues in soccer media had to say about the USMNT's thrilling 3-2 win against Martinique:

If Steve McNulty Was An American Athlete, Twitter Would Be Obsessed With Him

Twitter loves large adult sons: big goofy dudes who run around and make a ruckus with startling athleticism. What does this have to do with soccer? Well, soccer is rapidly growing in the United States, but it would be growing even faster if it had a large adult son to piggyback on.

Paul Pogba Has Had A Wild And Magical Summer

After a long season that ended with a Europa League title, Manchester United midfielder Paul Pogba needed some time to decompress and celebrate after playing 51 matches for his club. He certainly did just that.

Take a look at Pogba's unforgettable Summer '17.

Pogba kicked off May with a pilgrimage to Mecca, the holiest and most important site in the world for Muslims like himself. 

Messi And His Wife Are Spending Their First Days As Newlyweds Hanging Out With Luis Suarez

You know how honeymoons are supposed to work: the newlyweds are supposed to hop on a plane and spend a few weeks being very romantic and doing it a lot while not seeing a single person they have ever met or will meet again. This is a tried-and true formula, but it is not the formula Lionel Messi and wife Antonella Roccuzzo are using, because their honeymoon includes Luis Suarez.

These Kids Are Happier To Meet Jesse Lingard Than You Will Ever Be About Anything

Surely you can find some kind of profound meaning in this video of a group of British lads encountering Manchester United attacker Jesse Lingard and completely losing their shit. You could probably ruminate on the nature of fandom, how we should all try to see things through the eyes of a child sometimes, to lend perspective.

Little kids are the best because of their lack of filter. This is clearly the best thing ever to happen to them (until the next best thing ever), and they're not afraid to express it. We should all be so lucky.

John Terry Transfer Gives Millennials and Baby Boomers Another Thing to Fight About

Summer is high-time for transfers and this might just be the most high-profile one yet. There's a lot to discuss in terms of the move itself — one of the biggest names in English football, John Terry, finishing out his career with Championship side Aston Villa.

However, much of the yesterday's buzz focused on the bizarre/unique/amusing way the club chose to deliver the news.

Lionel Messi's Wedding Was Just As Extravagant As You'd Think

Soccer's version of the Royal Wedding took place yesterday. Lionel Messi married his childhood sweeheart, Antonella Roccuzzo, in a ceremony in Rosario, Argentina. Everything was very extravagant. There was a red carpet.

Zlatan's New Statue Looks Like A Video Game Boss

Picture it: you're playing some kind of first person video game. You're almost done. The last level is situated in an industrial complex, but you're not sure what kind. The end of the level is through a big garage door. The final boss lies in wait. This is it. This is the moment. You push the button to open the door. A whooshing sound, then the door begins to creak open. Steam pours out of the opening. You strain your eyes to get a glimpse of what you're about to face. Finally, it comes into focus.

LOOK OUT IT'S ZLATAN!

2017-18 Champions League To Be Livestreamed For Free Via Facebook

Teenagers and grown adults celebrated a triumphant moment of growing independence yesterday as they learned they’d no longer need their parents’ cable television login credentials to watch the UEFA Champions League online. A monumental deal between Facebook Inc. and Fox Sports will see the page livestream two matches on Tuesday and two on Wednesday throughout the group stage, four matches from the round of 16 and four quarterfinal games during the 2017-18 tournament.

Peter Crouch Still Has All The Jokes

Peter Crouch, who famously responded "a virgin" when asked what he would be if he wasn't a footballer, is at it again. The 6'7" Stoke City striker remains one of the funniest fellows in football, and one of the most likeable. A little self-deprecating humor goes a long way. 

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