Zlatan Shuts Down Hater Journalist

This is a public service announcement for journalists covering press conferences in which Zlatan Ibrahimovic happens to be speaking, especially journalists whom Zlatan Ibrahimovic doesn't particularly like: maybe don't ask Zlatan questions that will make him turn into a fire-breathing Swedish monster, throwing insults around like he's at the roast of Donald Trump or something.

This Man Just Lost His Company $50 Million, So Why Is He Still Employed?

Being a NYSE-listed company, Manchester United have to make statements to the market whenever there is significant turnover in senior personnel. When Sir Alex Ferguson announced his retirement, for example, it was first communicated in a formal statement to shareholders, and Manchester United PLC’s stock plummeted 4.5%.

Cristiano Ronaldo Bought A $31,000 Wax Statue Of Himself

The Madrid Museum of Wax has a statue of Cristiano Ronaldo in it. That in itself is not so weird. Cristiano is one of the most recognizable athletes in the world, and happens to play for a team in Madrid.

Cristiano saw his statue at the museum. This, too, is not so weird. If there existed a statue of us somewhere, we would likely venture to see it. 

He liked the statue. Still not weird. Statues in and of themselves are essentially compliments and should be taken as such.

He liked that statue so much he commissioned one just like it to be put in his house.

Messi Stars In Awesome New Adidas Commercial

Adidas just made a really cool commercial with Messi, but the commercial's intended message will shock you.

Don't worship Messi, make your own path. That's what Adidas wants. Adidas is sick and tired of people worshipping the athletes it pays untold millions of dollars for in exchange for those athletes endorsing Adidas's products, and Adidas can't take it anymore. 

Just watch:

QPR Barely Avoids A Fine That Could Put Them In Debt

Recently relegated English club Queen’s Park Rangers have dodged a Financial Fair Play sized bullet after claiming improperly counted losses. 

QPR reported a loss of just under 10 million pounds with roughly another 60 million pounds written off in loans. Whether or not the owners were aware that the 60 million written off in loans would count towards the entire total of 2013/14, the entire season’s losses totaled to roughly 70 million pounds. 

Bayern Munich’s Good Faith Has Helped A Lowly Club Escape Debt

Dynamo Dresden is a club with a lot of tradition in Germany. Known for its strong backing and fan base, Dresden has had a rollercoaster run through Germany’s football divisions over the past years. Bouncing back and forth between second league relegation and third division promotion, Dynamo Dresden often faced other obstacles, too.

Donald Trump Tried To Buy A Colombian Soccer Team

After acquiring a hotel in Medellin, Colombia, Donald Trump has expressed interest in buying a soccer team. Trump offered $100 million for Atletico Nacional, but their owners demanded $150 million.

"National wants $150 million to sell the club. For us, this proposal is unacceptable. Maybe they think we're stupid. We had offered $100 million. It was a significant offer. We are not willing to offer more and continue negotiations," Trump said in a statement.

The Most Badass Player On The Planet Just Released...His Own Perfume Commercial?

Zlatan Ibrahimovic would like for you to buy his perfume. Zlatan Ibrahimovic made a commercial in order to persuade you to buy his perfume.

But, like everything Zlatan does, this is not your average commercial. It's not quite as insane as this commercial, but it does feature a #ZlatanFish.

Sergio Ramos To Enter New Contract Negotiations With Real Madrid

Sergio Ramos is set to sign a new contract with Real Madrid, according to reports featured by ESPN, after negotiations take place on Thursday.  

Ramos has been the subject of repeated rumors linking him with a move to Manchester United. In fact, the cavalcade of gossip this month has been so much that anyone not initiated with tittle-tattle of a transfer window might actually believe that a transfer to the Red Devils is closer to happening than not.