Like A Super Blue Blood Moon Eclipse, Arsenal’s Transfer Deadline Day Was A Perfect Confluence Of Events
Like a super blue blood moon eclipse, everything lined up just perfectly for Arsenal at the end of the transfer window on Wednesday. The club signed Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang, one of the most fearsome strikers in the world, nailed down Mesut Ozil to a contract extension and shipped off the now-superfluous Olivier Giroud to ensure the former deal went down. The Arsenal Aubameyang deal came at just the right time for the struggling Gunners. Now if they could just beat Swansea.
In the 60th minute of Arsenal vs. Swansea City, with the score knotted at 1-1, Henrikh Mkhitaryan strode onto the field for his first action as an Arsenal player. Apparently, Arsenal goalkeeper Petr Cech was so enthralled by Mkhitaryan's grand entrance that he forgot to pay attention to the soccer game he was playing in.
oh petr no..... pic.twitter.com/mDlZpuavht
Arsenal didn’t play this weekend, which is probably a good thing for Gunners fans. The team was already knocked out of the FA Cup by Nottingham Forest in the third round, meaning Gooners can’t even take pleasure in Tottenham having to replay Newport County. But the curl on this Arsenal youth goal almost makes up for not having a match to watch this weekend.
Piers Morgan has the solution to all of Arsenal’s woes: Bring in Donald J. Trump as new manager. The talking head, an unabashed Arsenal fan, recently interviewed the U.S. Commander in Chief and, according to a tweet on Friday, offered Trump the job of replacing Arsene Wenger as manager to Make Arsenal Great Again.
All-Star gaaaames. There’s nothing more exciting than watching the NBA’s West beat the East 192 to 182 while the 6-10 Anthony Davis scores 52 points off 39 shots, and there’s nothing more sporting than watching Canadian journeyman Will Johnson crunch Bastian Schweinsteiger on the ankle after the German graciously appears following a grueling summer spent winning the World Cup.
Arsene Wenger, the Professor with an economics degree, is dipping Arsenal’s pocket book into the crypto-currency markets. The club reached an agreement Wednesday with California-based CashBet, which will thus be allowed to advertise at Emirates Stadium. Now Gunners fans can watch ads for fake money while cheering for fake trophies. The Arsenal crypto-currency deal might just be the most Arsenal thing ever.
Arsenal advanced to the Carabao Cup final after defeating Chelsea 2-1 Wednesday at the Emirates Stadium. An opening 12 minutes of comedic defending from both sides led to goals from Eden Hazard and Antonio Rudiger — the defender scoring an unfortunate own goal to bring Arsenal level — but Granit Xhaka popped up to score the winner on the hour mark.
What an incredibly strange career trajectory Lassana Diarra has had.