We are going to show you some videos and then at the end we are going to say some things about Lionel Messi.
Look what he did to poor Espanyol in the Catalan derby:
Messi is like a paring knife, he gets in and out of hard-to-reach places and cuts everything up.
Messi is that guy everyone hates who's riding his motorcycle through a trafic jam except everyone doesn't hate Messi.
Messi is the only reason we tolerate Ray Hudson.
Messi still cannot be explained by science.
Even if science could explain Messi, we probably wouldn't believe it.
We'd just choose to go on believing Messi is some kind of universal anomaly which is probably simpler anyway.
When he dribbles it's like everyone else is moving at regular speed and he's moving in fast-forward.
I mean, just look at his legs when he runs. They move so fast they get blurry.
All we want for Christmas is more Messi.
Messi is very good at soccer.