The prognosis for Alexandre Lacazette was bleak. After suffering 10 wasp stings in a Dutch forest ahead of Lyon's friendly against Feyenoord on Sunday, the former Arsenal striker was sure to miss the match as he iced, applied hydrocortisone cream and took some Tylenol.
But at some point in the night, rather than feeling the itch, the swelling and dreaming the usual dreams of goals, global adoration and dad's respect, Lacazette's mind played out feverish sequences of devotion to an egg-laying queen and a strong desire to subdue some pest insects with a newly formed stinger.
The 31-year-old woke up feeling right as rain — although craving sweet nectar — strode into De Kuip to the shock of all and told manager Peter Bosz "I'm fine. Change? Yup, big change."
You can't tell me he's not Wasp-Man now because he went from doubtful for Sunday's friendly to absolutely stinging one in the 32nd-minute. Lacazette does it all on his own, like a solitary wasp that's identified a caterpillar for the mass provisioning of its carnivorous young.
— Sebastianx (@Sebastianx6x) July 24, 2022
The Ligue 1 record for goals in a season is held by Marseille's Josip Skoblar — who scored 44 in 36 matches back in 1971 — but I'm backing Wasp-Man in this contest. The division will be no match for a guy with compound eyes and an exoskeleton.