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See Why PSG's Julian Draxler Is The Happiest Birthday Boy Ever

In many ways, Julian Draxler is the forgotten man at Paris Saint-Germain. With Neymar’s massive transfer fee, Kylian Mbappe’s incredible potential and Edinson Cavani’s missed penalty kicks, the German playmaker has started just two of six matches this season. Fortunately, someone remembered Draxler’s birthday.

Apparently Draxler asked for a cake the size of Neymar’s ego and this is what he got. Look at that thing, it's massive! The cake, we mean. 

That smile though. That’s one happy birthday boy. It’s like he completely forgot that his club paid five times what they paid for him to bring in his replacements.


The cake is quite impressive, particularly the sleeves of the jersey defying normal cake physics. We do have a problem with the details of the jersey. We’re fine with changing Draxler’s number from 23 to 24 because it’s his 24th birthday, but who puts the player name on the front?

Secondly, what happened to the shirt sponsor? You think PSG was able to afford Draxler by having a sponsorless jersey? Take it back and replace Draxler with Fly Emirates immediately before the Qatari owners see it and sell you off to some lowlife club like Arsenal. 

The middle tier looks like it will probably taste the best if you can get through all the unnecessary fondant. (What happened to delicious butter cream frosting? Is that too much to ask for?) Meanwhile the bottom layer is spectacularly detailed to the point that who would want to actually cut into it?

The rest of the decorations fit the Paris theme well, because we all know you can’t have a birthday party without a theme. If you didn’t know that, you’re a schmuck and should never host parties. We just hope Draxler wasn’t forced to open up an Inter Milan jersey as a gift because we all know how that goes down.


Draxler’s cake may be the best cake we’ve seen since January, when Mr. MAGA himself decided to make America cake again. 

The only problem with Trump’s cake was that it was inedible. That’s the worst kind of cake. It’s like a ball you can’t kick, a movie you can’t watch, a car you can’t drive or, the sum of all fears, a puppy you can’t pet

Let’s hope Draxler’s cake was more edible. He needs all the nutrients he can get to sit on the PSG bench. 

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