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5 Headlines That Prove That Nobody Cares About International Football

Few would argue against major international tournaments being the biennial highlight of the footballing calendar. They’re a marketing groups’ wet dream; hundreds of millions worldwide tuning in on their official World Cup Samsung 60’’ flat screens to watch Pepsi and Coca Cola adverts interspersed with 45-minute segments of the very best in the game representing their motherlands at the highest level.

Qualification for said tournaments, however, is about as exciting as a mid-winter crochet competition in deepest, darkest Siberia. While Brazil vs. Argentina in a World Cup semifinal stirs the soul, Bulgaria vs. Andorra in a semi-empty stadium sends you to sleep.

Perhaps the strongest indicator of the apathy that is now held towards qualification for international tournaments is the bilge mainstream media syndicates are forced to spew in lieu of anything genuinely interesting to report. To illustrate the point, here are the five worst headlines The18 came across this past international week.

5 Headlines That Prove That Nobody Cares About International Football

“Which Premier League Players Have Run Farthest And How Far Would They Have Got From Their Stadium”Daily Telegraph

Sweet baby Moses. The Daily Telegraph has been in circulation since 1855. It’s journalists have covered world wars, political assassinations, the fall of entire countries and even England winning a World Cup. But that clearly doesn’t stop it from diving into the deepest recesses of the barrel labelled “Desperate” when the time comes. 

There’s really not much to say about this article that isn’t made crystal clear in the headline. Except to add that it’s f***ing awful. 

“Zidane Admits Only One Real Madrid Star is Irreplaceable – But It’s NOT Ronaldo”Metro 

The problem with international football is that countries, as a rule, can’t buy and sell players. That means transfer stories, the life blood of click-hungry websites, are thin on the ground.

No matter. If you’re as committed to delivering transfer bulls*** as The Metro is, you’ll just find any old quote, build a story around it and stick Cristiano Ronaldo in the title.

If you were actually wondering who the irreplaceable Madrista is, it’s Casimero. Why? Because he’s the only one without a direct replacement in the squad.

We know. Not quite as dramatic as the headline suggests. 


"Ryan Giggs Looks Very Unimpressed After Being Turned Into A Deer On Snapchat" - Daily Telegraph 

Having ended the career of former England manager Sam Allardyce with its investigation into corruption in English football, the Daily Telegraph has now turned its attention to an equally pressing issue for the beautiful game. No, not racism in football. Not FIFA either. Nor the merits of a country, Qatar, with all the footballing heritage of a dung beetle colony hosting the World Cup. 

NO. SnapChat filters are what the Telegraph wants to talk about…Ryan Giggs, as the paper exclusively reveals, is lukewarm towards them.

“Heavy Metal: Jurgen Norbert Klopp’s Top 20 Quotes”Football 365 

We have no beef per se with quoticles (if that is indeed a word), nor with the almost always excellent Football 365. With that said, nothing quite shows the total lack of interest a website deems its readership to have in international football quite like a list of quotes from a manager who has neither played nor managed in international football. 

“Football’s Furry Friends! From Awkward Embraces to Affectionate Hugs, We Celebrate Mascots In Brilliant Images With Managers”Daily Mail

Literally a bunch of photos with mascots in vague proximity to well-known Premier League managers. We can only assume an especially long, boozy and drug-fueled lunch led to this atrocity of journalism.

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