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Neymar Gets Paid Millions Just For Good Behavior — What Would That Clause Look Like For Us Normal Folk?

Back in April, Paris Saint-Germain signed mercurial superstar Neymar to a contract extension to 2025 — a bit of a surprising move considering the frequent dissonance between the two parties. 

Recently the contents of this contract have been released, and the number of zeroes next to the Brazilian's salary make it abundantly clear why he stayed in France.

It's not just the money itself that kept Neymar in Paris, but also the clauses in his deal that pay him just to be a normal person.

The Brazilian star's "ethical clause" entitles him to a bonus of around $640,000 a month for good behavior, equal to $7.70 million a year. That is on top of his yearly salary of approximately $43 million. By comparison, the average Premier Leaguer makes around $4.2 million per year.

In order to earn this bonus, Neymar must: "have the courtesy to greet fans before and after each game", and also avoid "any adverse comment about the team's tactical choices and negative public comments about the club, those who work there and those who support it."

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So he's basically getting $7 million-plus just for doing what he should be doing already? Can I get his agent's number?

Imagine if us normal work folks could get these kind of bonuses just for cleaning out the office coffee pot or biting our tongue when it comes to talking about our job? Sounds like easy money.

Here's what Neymar's ethical clause would look like if it was applied to all those 9-5ers out there:

Neymar's Good Behavior Clause But For Everyday People

Two Beer Max at Happy Hour

This is something that you should really be doing already, but now it's a part of your official contract. Getting buzzed/drunk on a work outing doesn't help anybody, and it in the end it will save you from doing or saying anything stupid.

No Negative Tweets About the Company (or Coworkers)

Lately, people are becoming united online when it comes to absolutely destroying their employer on social media (usually for very real shortcomings surrounding wages and working conditions). So if you ran a company, it would make sense to pay your people a little more rather than risk getting bashed on Twitter on a daily basis (the pay increase would also boost company morale as well). And don't forget those subtweets toward your annoying coworkers — those are out the window too.

Limiting Long Lavatory Trips While on the Clock

As the old saying goes: "boss makes a dollar, I make a dime, that's why I poop on company time." But what if you had a maximum amount of bathroom time allotted per day (exceptions of course when appropriate), and you receive a bonus for not exceeding that allotment?

It would take a little bit of coin, but for the right price, I'd be in and out of there in a flash. 

Extended Zoom Call/Meeting Availability

It's 4:30 p.m. on a Friday, the weekend beckons, your mind is already out the door, but your boss wants to talk about a new project. Well, make like Jerry Maguire and say: "Show me the money!" 

Keeping Office Common Spaces Clean

As Nelson Muntz, the bully on the Simpsons, once said: "Shoplifting is a victimless crime. Like punching someone in the dark," And I believe the same mindset holds true when it comes to maintaining cleanliness at the office. 

No one really gets hurt when a dirty dish is left in the sink, but when that one dish turns to 10, then it becomes an issue. I'm sure company-wide bonuses for sanitation efforts would put an end to this problem.

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