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6 Salacious Transfer Rumors That Are Too Legit To Quit

The closing of the transfer window sees various plot lines reach a unifying crescendo: Leicester City, with their Premier League title and Champions League adventure now firmly behind them, are about to be torn apart. Monaco, already torn apart, are subject to further tearing. Barcelona still have Neymar cash to flush, and they’re giving any wide player that scored more than 10 league goals last season the eye.

Chelsea, Liverpool and Manchester City are all driven by an insatiable desire to spend, Arsenal are probably trying to get Alexander Hleb on loan or some shit and Newcastle manager Rafa Benitez is waiting for someone to offer $25 million for Jack Colback to enable spending of his own.

While you should be familiar with all the noise surrounding Philippe Coutinho, Alexis Sanchez and Riyad Mahrez by now, here are six other simmering transfer rumors that could transpire (probably not!) over the next two days.

Raul Jimenez, Timo Werner, Jamie Vardy and Diego Costa ALL TO EVERTON
Timo Werner

Timo Werner + Wayne Rooney = Waynemo Wooney

@ChampionsLeague | Twitter

And you thought signing Davy Klaassen was ambitious! Everton are ready to take their summer spending to another level by replacing Romelu Lukaku with four different forwards, each with their own respective strengths and weaknesses. However, speed of Vardy + strength of Costa + finishing of Werner + whatever Jimenez brings to the table = one full Lukaku.

With Ross Barkley electing to commit professional suicide by joining Chelsea, there’s room for all of these lads to watch and learn from Wayne Rooney.


Marcus Rashford to Barcelona . . . in due time
Marcus Rashford

Marcus Rashford, England's answer to Iceland.

@TransferCenLive | Twitter

This is the kind of rumor that anyone with a bit of spare time could set in motion and that’s probably exactly what happened here. Hell, that's what I'm doing right now.

BUT, you've got to admit this is a tasty one: Barcelona are monitoring Marcus Rashford’s development at Manchester United with the longterm goal of having him replace Luis Suarez. This is crafty from the Catalan side — just let United do the heavy lifting and then swooooop thank you very much.

Andrea Belotti to Monaco
Andrea Belotti

Andrea Belotti is that dude.

@FB_WHISPERS | Twitter

How do you compensate for the loss of attacking talents Bernardo Silva, Valere Germain and Kylian Mbappe (and maybe Thomas Lemar)? Simple, sign Italy’s best young forward and pair him up top with Falcao. F**k you very much, PSG.

Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang to ?
Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang

Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang is lookin' for some hot stuff.

@TransferCenLive | Twitter

One of the worst kept secrets in all of football is Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang’s desire to further his footballing career by leaving Borussia Dortmund. Unlike Ousmane Dembele, Aubameyang has professionally carried on for BvB (although that could be because Barcelona and Real Madrid just aren’t interested), but it’s difficult to imagine the Gabonese striker staying beyond this window.

It's also difficult to imagine him playing for any other club beyond this window. Who knows? We don't knows.


Ronaldinho to Arsenal

R10 coming to save the day.

@SquawkaNews | Twitter

Ronaldinho has made it clear that he’s available, so long as he doesn’t have to train or work very hard. Obviously, this is a come-and-get-me plea to Arsenal, where Ronaldinho could lineup alongside Aaron Ramsey and just not give a flying fuck.

Andre Blake to any European club that wants a world-class keeper
Andre Blake

Andre Blake is better than your club's goalkeeper.

@MLS | Twitter

Y'all are just ignorant. Who wants to sign the best goalkeeper on the planet? Anyone? No?

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