Vintage

Ronaldinho Has Officially Retired From Professional Football Forever, For Now

This is the end of an era. Ronaldinho, the last remaining active player not named Lionel Messi or Cristiano Ronaldo to have won the Ballon d'Or, one of the most joyous and fun footballers of all time, has officially hung up his cleats.

Dinho hasn't actually played competitive football since 2015, but his retirement rules out any chance of a return. Unless, of course, he returns.

How Did Defenders Stop Pelé? By Kicking The Ever-Loving Tar Out Of Him

Ever wondered how defenders in the 60s and 70s coped with Pelé, perhaps the greatest player of all time? Defending Pelé was really quite simple: They kicked the sh*t out of him. And pushed him around. And threw him to the ground. And kicked him a few dozen more times.

Pelé scored 767 goals over his storied career but he would have had more were it not for the physical play of defenders who quickly realized the only hope they had to stop Pelé was to foul him. 

Zico Could Kill A Mosquito From 40 Yards With His Incredible Free Kicks

I had a teammate growing up who was our regular penalty kick taker. He would slowly walk up to the ball and kick it meekly toward the corner. Eventually, the ball would trickle into the back of the net, with supreme accuracy overriding the deliberate pace of the shot. Brazilian legend Zico’s free kicks would do the same thing, only from 20 to 40 yards out.

Stressful Holidays? Here’s Two Minutes Of Soothing Dennis Bergkamp Touches

New Year’s Eve is approaching, so it’s time to get all stressed out about having the best time ever while throwing up Smirnoff Ice in the toilet or whatever. Hopefully you’ve enjoyed the holiday season, but it’s also extremely likely that you’ve suffered your share of anxiety due to travel, a damning inability to properly give justice to your own existence and personal beliefs over dinner conversation and the realization that another 365-day period has been spent slaving over inconsequential tedium in the face of death, which you’ll inevitably experience entirely alone.

10 Legendary Footballers We Lost To Retirement In 2017

2017 was a pronounced year with regards to the retirement of a legion of decorated footballers. In the list below, we have an assortment of winners of the World Cup, European Championship, Copa America, Champions League and pretty much every domestic title out there. 

Sadly, we’ve seen the last of this group on the professional pitch and on our gaming consoles via FIFA. Here are 10 footballers (along with a few honorable mentions) that hung up their boots this year.

Remembering Paul Wilson: The Only Non-White Player To Represent Scotland In The 20th Century

Not many outside Scotland remember Paul Wilson, who played for Celtic and, for one 15-minute appearance, the Scottish national team. In fact, even in the land of celebrated Scots Robert Burns and Sir William Wallace, his name registers with only the most diehard fans of both club and country.

Goodbye Tomas Rosicky, The Man Who Beautifully Destroyed The USA’s 2006 World Cup

Compared to the pain of missing the event entirely, the tale of the USMNT’s 2006 World Cup can now be viewed in a more favorable light. However, after reaching the quarterfinals of the 2002 competition and subsequently breezing through CONCACAF qualifying for the ’06 tournament in Germany, it was with huge belief and soaring naivety that we approached the world’s biggest stage.

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