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Sweden National Team manager Janne Andersson would like all of you to know that there is NO WAY Sweden's all-time goalscorer and all-around entertainment generator Zlatan Ibrahimovic is going to play for Sweden at the World Cup, which they just qualified for, much to the chagrin of Italy. So just get that out of your heads. Zlatan, the man who once said "a World Cup without me is nothing to watch" is not going to play in the World Cup. He is retired from international football and currently rehabbing an awful knee injury. IT IS NOT HAPPENING.

Patrice Evra has a lot of downtime now that he's not playing soccer professionally for anyone. Evra was released by Marseille after assaulting a fan prior to a Europa League contest. He was also handed a ban from European continental competitions.

Tuesday marked the beginning of a new era, with Twitter doubling the character count for most Western-language users. (Japanese, Korean and Chinese users will stay at 140 because their languages convey more per character.) There were countless bad jokes across the globe as everyone felt compelled to tweet about the fact they had something that everyone else had. 

Surely you have already heard about Jozy Altidore and Sacha Kljestan's, uh, "incident" Sunday in the MLS Cup playoffs, in which both players were sent off at halftime for fighting in the tunnel, but DID YOU SEE THE TWEET?

We all know someone like this: the person who gets the Christmas decorations out the day after Halloween, as if Thanksgiving (A FAR SUPERIOR HOLIDAY TO CHRISTMAS, DON'T @ ME) doesn't even exist.

Do you feel the urge to go hunting and also are not a big fan of pants or shirts? Cristiano Ronaldo has a special product just for you!

Camo style!  @CR7Underwear #CR7Underwear pic.twitter.com/bkbElQM8X3