Premier League

Chelsea’s Own Players Begin To Question A Strangely Self-Destructive Summer

The fallout from Chelsea’s home defeat to Burnley to open their Premier League title campaign has been swift. In fact, you could say the situation had been pretty neatly summed up after the opening 43 minutes at Stamford Bridge. 

With Gary Cahill sent off, Burnley had shocked the world by cruising to a 3-0 lead behind a brace from Welsh striker Sam Vokes, a player more used to terrorizing Championship defenses than the reigning English champions.

West Ham Leaves Chicharito Alone Up Front, Like The New Kid On The First Day Of School

Javier "Chicharito" Hernandez walked away from his West Ham regular season debut goalless, creating a few scattered opportunities but, on the whole, looking isolated up front as Andre Ayew and Marko Arnautović dropped into deep positions early.

Slaven Bilic acknowledged as much in post-match commentary, conceding that West Ham's initial 4-3-3 formation left Chicharito on his own.

Jonjo Shelvey Receives Red Card For Most Boneheaded Move Ever

In the Premier League boneheaded move of the day, Jonjo Shelvey received straight red for stomping on the ankle of Dele Alli in plain sight of the referee.

And when we say "in plain sight of the referee," we mean that the referee could not have been any closer, or paying closer attention. See Exhibit A:

Chelsea Have Begun Their Title Defense In Shambolic Fashion

Gary Cahill, everybody!

Just 14 minutes into his first Premier League match as Chelsea's club captain, Gary Cahill paid a touching tribute to predecessor John Terry by being a dick and getting himself sent off.

Following Cahill's exit, Chelsea's defense bungled its way to a 3-0 halftime deficit to, uh, Burnley.

Wayne Rooney Scored The Winner In His First Game Back With Everton

In first-half stoppage time of his first match back for Everton, Wayne Rooney reminded everyone that he's still pretty good.

Wenger Watch Week 1: EPL Season Starts With #WengerIn

Inarguably, the biggest story in footy is whether Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger definitely should be or definitely should not be manager of Arsenal. Last year was a roller coaster of emotions that ended with the Frenchman missing the Champions League for the first time since Christ was a boy, winning the FA Cup (again) and signing a two-year contract extension.

Arsenal Outfoxes Leicester City In Tremendous EPL Opener

Hey! It’s soccer! Or football, whatever! The Premier League is back baby! Those pointless preseason friendlies and the miserable Gold Cup are a thing of the past. Jamie Vardy and Alexandre Lacazette are our glorious present and future. Late Welsh equalizers and meaty French foreheads somehow have Arsenal at the top of the league. 

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