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Cristiano Ronaldo Would Like To Sell You Some Undies

Cristiano Ronaldo is more than just a footballer. Cristiano Ronaldo is a #brand.

Like all good #brands, Cristiano Ronaldo has a wide range of things you can pay money for. Shoes, for example. And blankets.

Oh, and undies.

Miguel Herrera May Or May Not Have Tried To Fight A Fan

I don't know what else you were expecting. Xolos manager Miguel Herrera, who is liable to do anything at any moment, could be in hot water because of a video that surfaced showing Herrera appearing to insult and try to fight a fan who was in the stands.

This is not the sort of thing you should do normally, but it's especially the sort of thing you shouldn't do if you got canned from your last job for punching a journalist.

Help, Mario Balotelli's Shoes Are Too Tight

Mario Balotelli missed the first two minutes of Nice vs. Nantes because his shoes were too tight. I'll admit, I thought a video titled "Balotelli suffers bizarre wardrobe malfunction" would be a lot more interesting. Still, we much take what we can get.

(Editor's note: This is the perfect excuse to leave this here:)

Bastian Schweinsteiger Leaves Manchester United For Chicago Fire And MLS

The Chicago Fire have signed 32-year-old German midfielder Bastian Schweinsteiger from Manchester United, handing him one of the top 10 biggest contracts in the league. Schweinsteiger could make his Chicago debut as early as April 1 against Montreal.

According to FOX Soccer, the transfer fee is around $4.5 million. Schweinsteiger joined Manchester United from Bayern Munich back in July of 2015 for almost $10 million, but he struggled to make an impact at the club under Louis van Gaal. 

Out Of The Frying Pan

Per the Chicago Tribune, Bastian Schweinsteiger is on the move to the Chicago Fire, and could join the team as early as the middle of next week.

Let me get on the record saying this is going to go terribly. The Fire are awful, and don't have the athleticism in midfield to compensate for how creaky Schweinsteiger has become. It'll be like the first year of the Andrea Pirlo NYCFC experiment, only worse.

Zlatan Met The Former King Of Spain

Zlatan Ibrahimovic is mostlyknown for two things: thinking very highly of himself, and doing things on a soccer field that cause other people to think very highly of him.

The first trait was on display when Zlatan met Juan Carlos I, the 79-year-old former King of Spain.

Jose Mourinho Does Not Know The Alphabet

Jose Mourinho generally gives off an air that he thinks he's the smartest man in the room. We guess even the smartest man in the room forgets the alphabet sometimes.

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