Lionel Messi

Walt Disney used his considerable imagination to dream up things like Mickey Mouse, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs and Disney World, but he could never have conceived a little magician using sorcery to control objects and unleash all manner of hell on an unsuspecting public. Oh, right — that’s in Fantasia.

Anyway, he could’ve never told the story of an undersized scruff who went to extreme lengths to prove himself while remaining brave and unselfish in the face of never ending obstacles. Dammit, that’s Pinocchio, isn’t it?

In a recent interview with Coachmag.co.uk, Cristiano Ronaldo spoke at length about his inspirations, his toughest opponent and the opposing player he most admires. The biggest surprise came when asked about the opponent he most admired, as Ronaldo bucked the peddled notion of a rivalry steeped in hatred and answered:

In order to talk smack, don’t you have to back it up? Goalkeeper Diego Alves failed to do so on Saturday in Valencia’s last-second loss to Barcelona:

When it comes to penalties, Diego Lopez is one of the best. Of the last 35 penalties he's faced, Alves has saved a staggering 17 of them; so he has good reason to be a little cocky. Two years ago, he even smack talked Cristiano Ronaldo before saving his penalty to end their title run.

Lionel Messi helped Barcelona defeat Valencia at La Mestalla on Saturday, as he cooly converted a 94th minute penalty to give Barca the 3-2 win. He also happened to lose his damn mind after Valencia fans struck Neymar with a bottle.

The match was tied at 2-2 as the minutes bled away, and it seemed destined to end as a draw. Thankfully for Barcelona, Valencia defender Aymen Abdennour was in a charitable sort of mood as he hacked down Luis Suarez in the 92nd minute to concede a penalty.

Lionel Messi and his Barcelona teammates, including Gerard Pique and Ivan Rakitic, took a moment to read tweets about themselves in an ad campaign for the new 2017 Audi Q2. Fortunately for the Barca players, this was nothing like Jimmy Kimmel’s “Celebrities Read Mean Tweets” segment.

The players read tweets containing strange tags that ultimately praised them as footballers and individuals. The highlight of the two-minute video is watching Messi awkwardly praise himself.

Manchester City learned just how costly making mistakes against Barcelona can be. Especially early on, City's pressing looked like it was really bothering Barcelona's makeshift defense. Then Manchester City made one mistake, then another, then the game was basically over.

Messi opened the scoring when Fernandinho slipped and the rest of City's defense just kind of stood there and looked at each other.

After over three weeks on the sidelines due to a groin injury, Lionel Messi made a triumphant return to football by scoring Barcelona’s fourth in their 4-0 victory over Deportivo La Coruna. The assist was fantastically provided by Neymar and the finish from Messi was emphatic.

It must’ve been an excruciating break from playing for Messi, watching Barcelona lose to Celta Vigo and then Argentina flounder in World Cup qualifying.

Sir Alex Ferguson famously quipped before the 2009 Champions League Final that Barcelona "get you on that carousel and they make you dizzy with their passing.” The rhythm and tempo of their passing makes opponents feel as though they’re chasing ghosts around the pitch.