Humor

Look, we've all been there. We've accidentally walked into the wrong work cubicle after moving a few weeks prior, went to the wrong classroom after the start of a new semester or called our significant other by our ex's name (hopefully this one doesn't happen too often).

We become so used to doing something that we just do it on autopilot. That's what happened to the ever-confusing player that is Tiémoué Bakayoko on Saturday.

Once dubbed the future holding midfielder partner of N'Golo Kante at Chelsea, the French international is now on loan with Monaco for the season.

The Portland Timbers Twitter account has won the internet. Everyone else can delete all their social media apps from their phones because there won’t be anything better on there ever. 

After Netflix tried to be fun with a leading question seeking clever innuendo, the @TimbersFC admin came up with the best (worst?) reply of them all.

We have two DP slots open.

— Portland Timbers (@TimbersFC) December 6, 2019

The 2010s has been a decade. I can’t say it was great nor will I say it was bad. It was 10 years and as I write this it’s almost over. 

In 10 years, the soccer world saw Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo absolutely dominate the Ballon d’Or, winning all but one since 2008. Real Madrid won a bunch of big-eared trophies, Spain finally won a World Cup and few teams played more beautifully than Barcelona. Perhaps most shocking, England actually fielded a decent team at a World Cup, but Liverpool still hasn’t won a Premier League title. 

South American football is beloved worldwide for the passion and pageantry of its fans, the rhythm and technique of its players, the narratives and legends of its past and, of course, the good boys that frequently make their way onto the pitch and into our hearts.

Who can forget the time that dog made an incredible goal-line stop in the Argentine third tier? 

This dog made a heroic goal-line stop in an Argentine third tier match pic.twitter.com/BxqZgW3sTy

Imagine you’re in Edinson Cavani’s shoes this morning, strolling around the streets outside the Bernabéu in search of that precious, caffeine-rich mate before tonight’s big Champions League encounter with Real Madrid.

You’re not in the best spirits. You’ve missed a good portion of the season through injury, and in your absence, that goddamn Mauro Icardi has scored 10 goals in 11 games to take your job. Now everyone wants to offer Icardi a permanent contract and is totally fine with yours expiring in the summer!

Most Major League Soccer teams have been busy negotiating contracts and striking deals across the league . . . but not D.C. United.

Instead, this MLS original has decided to assign every MLS team a type of candy, and well, it's pretty amusing.

Here are some of the best:

hi @FCDallas pic.twitter.com/1bNVkziPUt

We've seen some absurdly bad penalty kicks over the years, but we now have a new GOAT for worst spot kick ever.

In a goalkeeper vs. goalkeeper PK, Nuneaton Borough's Tony Breeden took a shot which missed high. Breeden did, however, shine the light on his power by absolutely drilling it.

Missed the penalty...and broke the light 

Did you ever wear your shirt untucked, look at yourself in the mirror and scream: “GOOD GOD, WHY IS THIS UNTUCKED LENGTH SO UNBECOMING ON MY PERSON?!” I never did that either, but then UNTUCKit came along and introduced the thought into my head. 

The casual men’s clothing company now has 80+ stores across the U.S. and Canada and entered the NFL Hall of Fame in 2019 after airing a commercial starring Drew Brees dragging the "NOLA No-Call.”  

The worst part about Vlatko Andonovski’s new-look USWNT is probably the absence of right back Kelley O’Hara. There’s nothing Andonovski could do to change that — O’Hara is still dealing with an ankle injury that forced her to miss a significant portion of the NWSL season. 

So the Utah Royals defender is currently continuing her recovery in Washington, D.C., where her partner lives. Last we saw of O’Hara, she was chugging Budweiser in Paris…

The below video is footage of Estudiantes celebrating a return to Estadio Jorge Luis Hirschi in La Plata, where the club played between 1907 and 2005 before a 14-year stay at Estadio Único. 

I can’t confirm anything, but I’m pretty sure the construction workers — much like the dwarves of Moria — dug far too deep during their renovations of the stadium and unleashed a Balrog. I have no other explanation for this demonry.