Goals

Paris Saint-Germain was without Neymar. Without Edinson Cavani. Without Thomas Meunier. But Kylian Mbappé is still very much a fast, fast man.

This story should be about another tactical masterclass from Rafa Benitez or the staggeringly good form of 21-year-old midfielder Sean Longstaff or the brief but spirited cameo from record signing Miguel Almirón, but instead it’s about a ridiculous bit of goalkeeping from the usually excellent Martin Dúbravka.

Newcastle traveled to the Molineux on Monday night sitting above the drop zone on goal difference. With Wolves flying high in seventh, this match represented a daunting fixture for Benitez’s men.

At this point I have to ask: Why is Wisconsin such a hotbed for American soccer overachievers? Jay DeMerit, the man from Green Bay, showed us all how it could be done, and now we have Andrija Novakovich, from Muskego, chalking up goals in the Dutch Eredivisie. 

I’m not mad, I just think it’s sad that Wisconsin is leading the way — this shouldn’t be their burden to bear.

POLITICS

Alvaro Morata had to leave Chelsea — he really had no choice after his form and confidence seemingly dissipated after a slew of shocking missed opportunities. So he returned to Madrid, where he started his professional career back nearly 10 years ago. Except, he joined Atletico, not Real. 

Whoever comes through the Real Madrid-Barcelona matchup will be the favorite in the 2019 Copa del Rey Final, but if you didn’t know, that match is being staged at the Estadio Benito Villamarín in Seville, home of Real Betis, and the Béticos are using that inspiration to power through the competition.

It’s that man again. AC Milan new boy Krzysztof Piątek scored in his first-ever Serie A start for the club during today’s 1-1 draw with Roma, this coming just days after he scored a brace during Milan’s Coppa Italia victory over Napoli. 

And with those goals has come the customary celebration — the reason they call the 23-year-old Polish forward “El Pistolero.” 

I recently read that humanity is getting dumber. Whether that’s because of unhealthy diets, garbage media, substandard schooling or the general inclination to never read anything, our habitation of a “stupidity-inducing environment” is causing the IQ of modern generations to plummet. But there’s hope, because here you are reading and here I am trying to not be garbage media man.

Timothy Weah notched his third goal in five appearances for Celtic on Sunday after coming on as a late substitute against St. Johnstone and turning the game on its head. The 18-year-old American has only played a total of 142 minutes for the Scottish giants, but, on average, it’s taking him only 47 minutes per goal. The teenager has probably forced himself into Brendan Rodgers’ starting 11 after today’s display.

Cristiano Ronaldo turns 34 on Tuesday. Usually strikers start fading at that age. Maybe they lose a step of pace or that passion burns a little less. But three days shy of another Ronaldo birthday, the Juventus forward is still as hungry as ever for goals.

In physics, quantum tunneling explains how particles can pass through otherwise impenetrable barriers. It’s how quantum computers work, how the sun produces energy and, most importantly, the only reasonable explanation for this Lionel Messi goal vs Valencia on Saturday. 

I’m no physicist, so here’s a proper explanation of quantum tunneling.

Now back to the football.