Flops

Insane Time-Wasting In Portugal’s Top Tier Is Soundtracked By R.E.M.’s ‘Everybody Hurts’

After losing 2-0 to Santa Clara in their Primeira Liga opener, the pressure was on Marítimo to secure a result against Tondela on Saturday. 

Things started off well enough with Rodrigo Pinho finishing from close range in the 34th minute to open the scoring for Marítimo, but things turned sour when defender Fábio China was handed a straight red for the denial of a goal-scoring opportunity in the 41st minute.

Losing 7-0 To Seattle In The 70th Minute, San Jose Wins Penalty With Blatant Dive

Raúl Ruidíaz and Joevin Jones each had two goals and two assists and the defending MLS Cup champion Seattle Sounders scored four times in the opening 20 minutes en route to a 7-1 victory against the visiting San Jose Earthquakes on Thursday night.

Jordan Morris had a goal and three assists, and Kelvin Leerdam and João Paulo also scored for the Sounders (5-2-3, 18 points), who moved into first place in the Western Conference. Seattle extended its unbeaten streak against San Jose to 11 consecutive regular-season matches (6-0-5) dating to 2015.

Flop Of The Year Award Goes To Striker Pretending To Be Unconscious After Slight Nudge

Flopping is one of soccer’s most annoying aspects. Nothing is more of a turn-off than watching a grown adult rolling around screaming bloody murder after a little nick on the shin. The year of 2020 has been awful and with it comes what could be the worst flop ever.

In a Romanian Liga 1 match between Steaua Bucuresti and Viitorul, striker Kevin Luckassen proved to the world why he would fail acting class with the worst flop of the year.

Tired Of Watching His Opponent Fake Injury, Ryan Babel Starts Rolling Around Too

After the tragedy of losing to Tottenham in last season’s Champions League semifinals was compounded by a heartbreaking exit during this year’s group stage, Ajax’s European odyssey has appropriately descended into comedy after being parachuted into the Europa League Round of 32.

Daniel James Was Using 4D Shithousery To Fake Brain Trauma, Says Ryan Giggs

On Sunday, during a crunch Euro 2020 qualifier between Wales and Croatia in Cardiff, there was a terrifying moment in the 14th minute when highly touted Welsh winger Daniel James — somewhat stooping to win a header in the middle of the park — caught a flying knee to the back of the head from Croatian defender Domagoj Vida.

These Zodiac Signs Are The Most Likely To Flop And Cheat On The Soccer Pitch

Oh no.

How did we get here? Why are there horoscopes on the hallowed pages of The18.com? Why aren’t there more extremely interesting transfer mongerings like the ones over at ESPN FC? (Sources: Man Utd pray Dybala arrives in transfer exchange for Phil Jones . . . Sources: Coutinho rejects Tottenham and mind-body dualism . . . Sources: We don't have any sources.) 

These astrological signs better at least be rooted in scientific fact, The18, or I’m going batshit crazy in the comments section. You're not ready to feel the wrath of my keyboard.

25-Second Display Of Shithousery Includes Player Trying To Get Ref Sent Off

Have you ever seen Key & Peele’s “Fútbol Flop” sketch? Well, an actual match in the actual country of Argentina has made that look like an interpretive dance of the FIFA Fair Play Award. 

Here’s 25 seconds of action from Argentina’s Primera B Nacional — it’s a promotion playoff semifinal between Club Almagro and Central Córdoba. 

By my count, there’s at least seven instances (maybe more?) of shithousery here, climaxing in an Almagro player attempting to get the referee sent off.  

Zlatan Calls For An End To VAR After Choking A Man

This is Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s dark period. Like Francisco Goya before him, he’s probably living in near-solitude outside Lose Angeles in a farmhouse, painting haunting themes concerning his bleak outlook on VAR and retrospective fines from Major League Soccer.

It’s been 227 minutes since his last goal in MLS, a stretch that’s included three straight defeats for the LA Galaxy. When considering his exploits so far this season — nine goals and two assists in 10 games — this current run of form is apocalyptic. 

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