Fails

Crystal Palace has played six, lost six, conceded 13 goals and scored none. That’s 540 minutes of English Premier League football without scoring, a record for longest goalless streak to start a season. In other words, one epic dry spell. But even if Crystal Palace manages to score this weekend against Manchester United, the Eagles will still hold the record for longest EPL scoreless streak.

If you pay $1 for a cheeseburger, you don’t expect a gourmet experience. If you buy a $600 car, you shouldn’t be surprised if it dies before the next oil change. If you spend $30,000 on a house, it’s probably a fixer-upper. If you put down $5 million for a striker, you won’t win the Premier League.

If you spend $20 on match fixing, you can’t expect to win the match. Nchalo United in Malawi found that out the hard way. 

There was a time, in the mid 2000s, when the sight of Samuel Eto’o running in behind your defense was just about the scariest thing imaginable. The Cameroonian scored more than 100 goals in five seasons with Barcelona. He won two Champions League titles with Barca and another with Jose Mourinho’s Inter Milan. His pace was terrifying, his runs incisive, his finishing clinical. 

Valencia maintained their unbeaten start to La Liga play with an impressive 3-2 victory over Real Sociedad at the Anoeta on Sunday. With the score level at 2-2 and both sides down to 10-men, Italian striker Simone Zaza hit the game-winner in the 85th minute with the assist provided by 20-year-old Portuguese attacker Goncalo Guedes.

Bayern Munich goalkeeper and Germany No. 1 Manuel Neuer is out until January after undergoing foot surgery recently. While Neuer is considered one of the best goalies in the world, most assumed Bayern would have the strength and depth to maintain its high standars without him. That was until a Sven Ulreich howler cost the German giants two points on Friday.

The Los Angeles Galaxy’s abysmal season took another turn for the worse with Giovani dos Santos publicly turning on his teammates following a heavy defeat to Atlanta United on Wednesday. Like the rest of the Galaxy, Dos Santos has seen his numbers fall dramatically this season. After scoring 14 goals in 2016, Dos Santos has only registered six this campaign and the Mexican international knows where the blame lies.