Europe

If you’re curious as to why you’re suddenly being inundated with photos of Italian manager Carlo Ancelotti looking quizzical with his eyebrow cocked, it’s because Bayern Munich have parted ways with the coach following their 3-0 defeat to Paris Saint-Germain. 

Romelu Lukaku is bigger than you. He’s stronger than you. He can jump higher than you. He has better touch than you. He will score on you. CSKA Moscow and their old men on defense didn’t have much of a chance against the Belgian on Wednesday. Lukaku scored a brace in Manchester United’s 4-1 romp in the Champions League. 

First things first before we move on to lesser talking points: there was no penalty awarded to PSG on Wednesday, but Neymar and Edinson Cavani took turns on direct free kicks. They also shared moments of slightly frigid tenderness, Cavani comforting Neymar after a terrible miss and Neymar belatedly arriving to congratulate Cavani on his superbly taken goal.

Atletico Madrid and Chelsea were supposed to draw. It was written in the stars. This match was predestined to end 0-0 or 1-1, with no other acceptable scores.

And it really should have ended in a draw. The match was at 1-1 with neither team looking very interesting going forward, but then Chelsea backup striker Michy Batshuayi, he who scored the goal that sealed the Premier League for Chelsea last season, spat in the face of God and preconceived #narrative and scored the winner in the 94th minute with the last kick of the game.

It’s long been known that the atmosphere inside of Turkish football stadiums is otherworldly. Most commonly, the domain of Turkish stadia has been said to bear an uncanny resemblance to playing in hell for visitors. From your greeting at the airport to your sleepless night in the team hotel, you finally arrive inside a cauldron of noise like Besiktas’ Vodafone Park and encounter scenes that last from the first minute until the 90th.  

Liverpool visited Spartak Moscow on Tuesday in what promised to be a special Champions League night for Jürgen Klopp’s side. However, in the 22nd minute Fernando gave the Russian side a shock lead with an impressive free kick. 

Fernando's goal for Spartak Moscow pic.twitter.com/O5cTdhhMmA

— ♥️ Football ツ (@footballpr0n) 26 de septiembre de 2017

Harry Kane is having himself a month. In fact, the entire 2017 year has been good to Tottenham’s No. 10. A Harry Kane hat trick on Tuesday against APOEL saw his tally rise to nine goals in five matches in September as Tottenham saw off their Cyprian hosts 3-0 in the Champions League group stage.

Miguel Layun scored his first goal of the season Tuesday, putting the finishing touches on Porto's 3-0 win over Monaco.

Jesus "Tecatito" Corona and Hector Herrera were involved in the buildup, although said buildup wasn't exactly pretty.

Borussia Dortmund may be just about perfect in the Bundesliga, but the Champions League has been a different story. Real Madrid may be struggling in La Liga, but it’s business as usual in the Champions League. Real Madrid walloped Dortmund 3-1 on Wednesday at Signal Iduna Park, leaving the German side in danger of missing out on the knockout rounds.