Cristiano Ronaldo

25 Stars In Serious Danger Of Missing The World Cup

With only a handful of matches remaining in World Cup qualifying, it’s become clear which nations are in serious danger of missing out on Russia next summer. While all will become clear in October, here are 25 global superstars who, if World Cup qualifying ended today, would either fail to appear at the tournament or would need to navigate a playoff to qualify. 

25 Stars In Serious Danger Of Missing The World Cup

Marco Asensio Is Incredible. Will He Even Start Once Cristiano Ronaldo Comes Back?

Real Madrid's leading scorer so far this season is 21-year-old Spain international Marco Asensio, who has four goals in all competitions.

Asensio is the next great long-range shooter, having torn up Barcelona and Valencia for sagging off him. He's clearly an incredible talent and will be one of the world's best attackimg midfielders sooner rather than later, if he isn't that already.

This Product Promises You Abs Like Cristiano Ronaldo. And Eternal Nightmares.

I can't get this commercial out of my head. It's been around for a few years, but I hadn't seen it until last night and, well . . . 

(shudders)

I will have a tough time getting over this one. THE THINGS THESE EYES HAVE SEEN.

(shudders again)

Why does Cristiano Ronaldo have a pulsating spider on his tummy?

(shudders so hard I go into convulsions)

Cristiano Ronaldo Just Ravaged Poor Faroe Islands In World Cup Qualifying

He may be suspended in La Liga, but Cristiano Ronaldo is still torching opponents. On Thursday the Portuguese star ravaged poor Faroe Islands with three goals, including one incredible scissor kick that would make even Lionel Messi blush. 

Portugal won 5-1, not an unexpected result. Portugal is ranked No. 6 in the world; Faroe Islands is ranked 89th. The Portuguese need all the points they can get as they’re still three points behind Group B leader Switzerland, which also won Thursday.

Ronaldo Serves Up A Bit Of Violence In What’s Supposed To Be A Friendly

A glamour friendly between Real Madrid and Fiorentina (who knows) turned out to be a great training exercise for Cristiano Ronaldo on Wednesday. Ronaldo is currently serving a five-match ban for shoving the referee during the Spanish Super Cup, but his wonder goal helped Real defeat their Italian opposition 2-1 at the Bernabeu.

Cristiano Ronaldo's Life Is Basically An Alexandre Dumas Novel

Cristiano Ronaldo has been WRONGED. By the SYSTEM. Cruelly banished from four La Liga matches for the minor offense of pushing a referee, Ronaldo will not allow himself to be broken so easily.

Ronaldo tweeted his displeasure at his UNFAIR sentence.

Champions League To England: Don’t Screw This Up

Can you hear it? Playing over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again? It’s the Champions League anthem. The best thing to happen to Tuesdays and Wednesdays since Frasier went off air is nearly back. 

Thursday marked the Champions League group stage draw in Monaco but we know you only care about two things, so let’s get them out of the way.

Qarabag was drawn into Group C and Christian Pulisic is in Group H, with two more matches against Real Madrid in store, not to mention a date at Wembley. 

Cristiano Ronaldo Finds Something Harder Than His Abs, Immediately Endorses It

There’s nothing Cristiano Ronaldo loves more than himself. Who can blame him? He’s one of the best footballers in the world, looks like a more attractive version of Adonis and is the highest-paid athlete on the planet. 

So when Ronaldo was asked to sponsor a company that was presumably modeled after his chiseled abdomen, he jumped at the opportunity as he would at a teasing cross or being asked to take off his shirt.

How To Cope With Knowing Real Madrid Are Going To Win La Liga

Real Madrid are going to win La Liga. It's better to come to terms with this now so you can actually enjoy the season. If you go into the season thinking someone else might have a chance and Real Madrid open up a 10-point lead by Christmas, you are going to be disappointed. So ward off the disappointment. Barcelona are depleted and Atletico Madrid are plucky but outgunned. Real Madrid are going to win La Liga.

This is fine! Lots of people enjoy the Bundesliga even though they know Bayern Munich are going to win. You can still enjoy the season even if you know how it ends already.

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