Celebrity

England are looking for a new national team manager, and word on the street* is Donald Trump is interested in the job. we've gotten hold of Trump's letter to the FA** volunteering his services. Here it is in its entirety:

DEAR FOOTBALL ASSOCIATION NERDS,

I, DONALD TRUMP, WITH MY GIANT HANDS WITH NON-SAUSAGE-ESQUE FINGERS AM GOING TO BE THE NEXT MANAGER OF THE THREE LIONS, AND WHEN I GET THE JOB WE WILL WIN SO HARD YOUR WRINKLY ENGLISH FACES WILL FALL OFF.

In the United States, it’s an old adage that “all ballers want to be rappers, and all rappers want to be ballers”. The intersection of music and sports seems to draw professionals to each other’s line of work. In Germany, it appears that all footballers want to be DJs, and all DJs want to be footballers.

After playing in nearly 400 matches for Barcelona with the numbers two, six or 22 on his back, Dani Alves has elected to wear the number 23 at Juventus in honor of NBA star LeBron James.

LeBron just recently captured his third NBA championship, and his first since returning to play with the Cleveland Cavaliers. Alves is hoping to emulate LeBron’s ability to accept a challenge in a new environment and lead his team to glory.

The Brazilian defender completed his move to Juve from Barcelona on Monday and spoke at his introductory news conference regarding the new number.

I have a lot of good memories from the 2014 World Cup in Brazil, not that I was there. I had Tuesdays off back then, and so for two of the Tuesdays between June 12 and July 13 2014, I drank from noon until two in the morning. I danced the night away that night, among other things, and I like to think that, somehow, my moves were inspired by Colombia’s brilliant goal celebrations from that tournament. There is no way in actuality that they were, but hey, the spirit was there. 

If anyone thought that Brazil crashing out of a tournament that arguably doesn’t matter was going to kill Neymar’s Summer of Partying 2016, you were dead wrong.

Neymar has been hitting up the United states recently, hanging out with the likes of Justin Bieber and Jamie Foxx. 

Footage has surfaced of him partying at a Las Vegas pool, and it was every bit as over the top as you imagine. 

Neymar's acting career is reportedly off to a hot start while he waits his turn to represent Brazil this summer. The Brazil captain will evidently appear in the next xXx movie with Vin Diesel.

Wait, what? Like Vin Diesel the person? Not some copycat Vin Diesel look-alike? Oh, this is going to be grand.

We, for one, can't wait for xXx: State of the Selecao, or whatever it's called. Look at this Instagram post and tell us you're not excited for this.

This is Hafthor Bjornsson. Hafthor is a very big Icelandic man (More like Doublethor, am I right? Sorry, I couldn't resist). He spends most of his time doing this:

He's pretty much one of the strongest men in the world. Photo: @SIMundial | Twitter

Apparently when you are young, rich, and famous, you hang out with other young, rich, and famous people. That’s what this video of Neymar juggling with Justin Bieber tells me. 

Ronaldinho is going to be a movie star. An action movie star. In a movie. With Mike Tyson in it. Apologies for the sentence fragments so far, but my brain has exploded. It's the best I can do, given the circumstances.

The circumstances, for those interested are that 'Dinho is going to be in a movie called Kickboxer: Retaliation alongside Mike Tyson, the dude who played "The Mountain" on Game of Thrones and Alain Moussi.