Whether it’s scenic selfies, adorable dog pics or extremely manicured photos of food, Instagram is the place for people to show off how much better their life is than everyone else’s. Soccer players are no different, with many of the world’s biggest stars using the social media platform to highlight the high life. But some soccer Instagram posts, unfortunately, are more boring than a 0-0 draw between West Brom-Stoke.
Countless football stars fill their Instagram pages with more glamorous versions of the same shit we post to our Instagrams. This is perfectly fine; I would gladly follow a soccer star on Instagram if they, like me, posted nothing but photos of their cat. But not all soccer Instagram posts are created equally.
Because you don’t work for a soccer media company that encourages you to find absurd football-related content on the great interwebs, we’ve gone through the mind-numbing exhilarating process of finding the most boring soccer Instagram posts in the world and critiquing them for your enjoyment.
Note on the selection process: It should be made clear that all animals and (most) babies are inherently not boring, so no matter how many photos footballers post of their little ones, they will never be eligible for this prestigious list.
Worst Soccer Instagram Posts
Thomas Mueller
There is nothing interesting about eating cereal. Move along.
Wayne Rooney
Wayne Rooney uses Instagram like a 95-year-old grandmother. Or a 4-year-old kid. We’re not quite sure.
Matt Besler
Matt Besler is already a fairly boring guy. He’s a defender for Sporting KC and if you’re still awake for the end of this sentence you won’t be surprised to find out that he’s also from Kansas. And that leads us to this post, in which he celebrated Kansas Day (apparently a thing) by posing on a tractor made in Japan. C’mon Matt, you couldn’t even pose on an American-made John Deere, which has a factory in Kansas?
Lieke Martens
Shuffleboard is what people play when they’re really bored and there are no soccer balls around. Lieke doesn’t look bored but you know there have to be a million things she’d rather be doing than playing shuffleboard at this moment.
Neymar
We think Neymar was trying to post an image of his defensive capabilities and this is what showed up.
Lionel Messi
Just Lionel Messi getting ready for a night at the Roxbury.
Ronaldo
He’s not promoting anything, not posing with a fancy car/plane/girlfriend/trophy and he’s somehow fully clothed. It’s officially the most boring Cristiano Ronaldo Instagram post of all time.
Dani Alves
The only thing more boring than playing Monopoly is an Instagram video of Monopoly.
Alex Morgan
Oh look, a pseudo-artistic, color-filtered image of a tree. *Yawn*
Taylor Twellman
Nothing says “I like to waste my money on overpriced coffee” like wasting everyone’s time with a dumb Instagram post.
Roberto Firmino
If you like shiny teeth and peace signs, Roberto Firmino is the best soccer Instragram feed to follow. If not, you’ll probably be bored by the third post.
Jack Wilshere
Fishing is, by it’s very nature, boring. But kudos to Jack for not injuring himself while catching this little fish.
Sydney Leroux
I know we said babies and animals typically aren’t boring, but baby shoes sure are. Plus, Sydney’s Instagram page is usually full of cute babies and new ways to show off either her tats or husband, making this an even more devastatingly boring post by comparison.
Zlatan
There is little about Zlatan that is boring. But fragrances are extremely boring, so unfortunately we must throw Ibrahimovic on this list.
Chicharito
Not sure if this is a 13-year-old boy posing because his mom wants some pictures for the grandparents or if Chicharito just signed with Real Madrid.
Julie Ertz
The first thing you see when you wake up does not need to go on Instagram, unless you wake up in an ice bath missing a kidney. Although if that happens to you, maybe call the police first. Or the hospital. Then you can post it to IG.
Eden Hazard
One of the best footballers on the planet can’t even get a decent pair of socks.
Harry Kane
A goofy looking lad wearing a sweater around his waist — this post just about sums up this article and English football in general: incredibly boring.
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