Here at The18, I’m in charge of the children. I keep tabs on all the babies, I have baby skills — why can’t you understand that? What the hell is wrong with you people?!
Thiago Messi, Mateo Messi, Benjamin Suarez, the Ronaldo clan and all that stuff. Why? Because you won’t stop searching it, that’s why. You made me this way.
So with soccer babies in and out of the bellies, it’s with great joy that I present Andy Carroll’s newborn, Wolf Nine Carroll.
And here’s my hot take as head of under-3 department: that’s a good name.
That name makes me imagine Wolf Nine Carroll approaching the alien spacecraft carrier from Independence Day, but he’s got Fox McCloud, Falco Lombardi, Slippy Toad and Peppy Hare in a flying V formation.
“Eagle 1, Fox 2!”
Also, imagine if Wolf Nine Carroll became a footballer! This, just slightly adopted for his name, would be the greatest terrace song ever:
OH, OH, WOLF NINE IS A PLAYA! HE’S A PLAYA, HE’S A PLAYA!
Finally, while I have this space and Andy's attention, I’d like to encourage Big Daddy to return home now. Newcastle desperately need a striker and a pairing with Aleksandar Mitrovic is a match made in heaven that would set the fires in hell.