What If The Trailer For "The Hurricane Heist" Was Connected To Soccer Somehow?

Hello, please watch the trailer for Best Picture shoo-in The Hurricane Heist and meet me on the other side for some soccer stuff.

That sure was something, huh? With the waves and the wind and the shooting and the yelling? I thought this was supposed to be a heist movie, not the Merseyside Derby, folks!!!

This is how PSG obtained the money for the Neymar transfer.

The real "Hurricane Heist" is Jose Mourinho continually stealing Arsene Wenger's thunder.

Meanwhile, across town, the USMNT are playing Costa Rica in a crucial World Cup qualifier, and no they won't reschedule it.

Wow, US Soccer's handling of Jonathan Gonzalez was even dumber than we thought.

Wow, Messi's tax evasion scandal goes even deeper than we thought.

Surely Geoff Cameron has a conspiracy theory about this.

In the sequel, Zlatan is going to fight the hurricane.

The MLS expansion process has simply gone out of control.

The promotion/relegation arguments have simply gone out of control.

The US Soccer presidential election has simply gone out of control.

Nigel de Jong is behind all of this somehow.

Sam Allardyce is behind all of this somehow.

Wow Antonio Conte's training sessions look really intense.

Wow Diego Simeone's training sessions look really intense.

Jurgen Klopp needs to dial his goal celebrations back a bit, if you ask me.

I would rather watch this mivie than a team coached by Sam Allardyce, David Moyes, Jose Mourinho or Tony Pulis.

Alternate title: "The Transfer Window."