Wow, five straight weeks. Nobody thought we would make it this far. It’s our wooden anniversary, but you won’t find anybody celebrating around here — we’ve got some kinetic energy to investigate.
It’s time to switch up the intro because, by now, you should know the drill. If you don’t, here’s the breakdown: the best team in MLS is still the Timber Joeys!, the worst team in MLS is now Sons By Name Of Ben. That’s the table. That’s who wins the ATL-ULTRAS-WATCH-UR-MOUTH Shield and who gets sent down to try and figure out where in the f**k Indy Eleven is.
But this here is the most powerful list of whatever; the things that make you tingle, the things that drag tires entire city blocks and proceed to toss them through fourth-story apartment windows. Yeah, that kind of savage, raw, dirty MLS power.
Let us continue.
- MLS Rankings of Power: Week One
- MLS Rankings of Power: Week Two
- MLS Rankings of Power: Week Three
- MLS Rankings of Power: Week Four
Dropping from the top 10: How Many Fans Is Too Many Fans, Atlanta? Being An MLS Cup 2015 Finalist, Tifo Game So Strong
The week began with Toronto FC's Jonathan Osorio telling us, "I feel a lot of things...maybe more than other players on our team." But the feels didn't stop there. Emotions were running high this weekend, and there's no time like the spring season to blossom into your own.
Here's the beautiful creation and accurate flinging of a snow ball in one highly emotional moment:
— Real Salt Lake (@RealSaltLake) April 10, 2017
Here's a lover's quarrel with a net:
Plata going after that net. pic.twitter.com/KTjNx5UXFI
— Total MLS (@TotalMLS) April 9, 2017
Here's Pablo Mastroeni feelin' down (Rapids Suffocating Defense has been out of the Rankings of Power for weeks now):
This is a beautiful shot. I want to call it "Pablo's Lament". This should go in the MLS Museum of Art. We need to make the museum first. pic.twitter.com/pozHt0MCo5
— Total MLS (@TotalMLS) April 10, 2017
There's nothing more powerful than catching all the feels, just look at Kyle Beckerman rage with feeling inside:
Yellow to Beckerman #RSLvVAN pic.twitter.com/d4MkQLEYpZ
— Total MLS (@TotalMLS) April 9, 2017
The San Diego Footy McFooty Faces (that’s what they’ll always be called on this website going forward, damn whatever they come up with) had a good week for two reasons: 1.) They sold a bunch of Footy McFooty Face t-shirts, resulting in almost $8,000 of proceeds going directly to charity.
2.) They got the support of MLS’s greatest advocate yet: NBA legend and current sportscaster Bill Walton, who called the club “a harmonic convergence of the highest order.”
The LA Galaxy social media team caught some flak from Don Juan Garber after releasing a nice little video about Portland Timbers' dives, but they're still churning out some frankly raw social posts.
Turn the sound on. This slo-mo take is just beautiful. #LAvMTL pic.twitter.com/uVbrurM7ri
— LA Galaxy (@LAGalaxy) April 10, 2017
Gyasi feeds Jones and he puts away his first #LAGalaxy goal! #SOCCERISFUN!!!!! #LAvMTL pic.twitter.com/ZdKFxMkd8E
— LA Galaxy (@LAGalaxy) April 8, 2017
Oh and here's a photo of some of the greatest players ever: Mohawked 2002 World Cup Hero Clint Mathis, Cobi Jones, Carlos "El Pescadito" Ruis and Landon Donovan.
#LAGalaxy Legends
Clint Mathis, Cobi Jones, Carlos Ruiz & Landon Donovan were honored during halftime. #LAvMTL pic.twitter.com/wgecTStFxw
— LA Galaxy (@LAGalaxy) April 8, 2017
You didn't know, man? Jozy Altidore's the mailman...going postal.
Class touch from @JozyAltidore to set this one up pic.twitter.com/xi2jqSr2UA
— Major League Soccer (@MLS) April 9, 2017
8' | CJ's got eyes in the back of his head#JoinOrDie: https://t.co/bXFJkJ1hN1 https://t.co/oROpUJ4AMo
— Philadelphia Union (@PhilaUnion) April 8, 2017
David Villa scored another goal to bring his total to three goals and three assists from 5 matches, but it wasn’t enough for NYCFC against DC United.
Game on! @Guaje7Villa brings one back. 2-1 #DCvNYC https://t.co/3efH31YgHe
— Major League Soccer (@MLS) April 8, 2017
Andrea Pirlo, while still the greatest passer in the history of this league, is not looking very powerful in the heart of midfield. It's becoming extremely difficult for the Italian to move, which was never his strong suit.
Andrea Pirlo putting in the minimum effort required to show affection to his dog pic.twitter.com/3og69duzuW
— Ftbllrs with Animals (@ftbllrswanimals) March 9, 2017
Orlando City’s record at their new digs is three wins from three matches with two clean sheets. The lone goal in their victory against NYRB was scored right in front of THE WALL to the delight of THE WALL.
Three wins in three games in the new fortress? We like that. #NeverHuntAlone
Full Highlights https://t.co/aB5MOJZsQU pic.twitter.com/G6iaYcoD1L
— Orlando City SC (@OrlandoCitySC) April 10, 2017
Cyle Larin almost scored the most powerful goal of the year as well.
67' | Cyle with a world of space but Luis Robles finds a way to make a stop...
1-0 | #ORLvNY pic.twitter.com/08DaNDi1Og
— Orlando City SC (@OrlandoCitySC) April 9, 2017
The magic of the Rally Raccoon has set in motion a reversal of fortune for DC United. They’ve now scored four goals in their last two games (!) and just look at this one.
.@MrLloydSam capitalizes on his chance to put #DCU up 1-0. https://t.co/san57DoVRA
— Major League Soccer (@MLS) April 8, 2017
And, as we mentioned last week, Bill Hamid has the power.
Quality @BillHamid28, quality. #DCvNYC https://t.co/a0fAEaoN4N
— Major League Soccer (@MLS) April 8, 2017
Vadim Demidov’s transformation from marquee signing and first Minnesota United captain in MLS to one of the worst defenders in the history of the league took another turn this weekend. After being a part of three matches that resulted in 16 goals against, Demidov lost his starting spot to the pride of Minnesota, Brent Kallman.
YOU LIKE THAT
— Brent Kallman (@BMKhaveiturway) April 2, 2017
On Saturday, Demidov wasn’t even named to the substitutes’ bench. Meanwhile, Kallman was literally tearing every sinew out on the pitch and looking like an animated heart, a four-chambered muscular organ with a headband and an insatiable desire to hustle.
Kellyn Acosta was arguably the best player on the pitch in the Champions League semifinal second leg between FC Dallas and Pachuca. How he didn’t register an assist when squaring for a teammate to tap in will hurt for some time to come.
SO CLOSE! (Acosta is nice) #PACvFCD pic.twitter.com/IoT9yN4VJ9
— Ben Jata (@Ben_Jata) April 5, 2017
In this past weekend’s match against Minnesota, Acosta quietly went about his business. While he didn’t dominate the game, he played a huge role in Dallas’ second goal in the match. Minnesota's Sam Cronin was put in a terrible position by a teammate, and Acosta immediately smelt blood.
He came out with the ball and then registered a nice assist.
Doubled up.@FCDallas go two up. #DALvMIN https://t.co/ofvFauXj5O
— Major League Soccer (@MLS) April 9, 2017
In all the resulting hullabaloo that followed the Chicago Fire signing Chicago Fire international Bastian Schweinsteiger, it largely flew under the radar that Chicago had signed another World Cup winning player, Chicago Fire international Andres Iniesta. Iniesta’s Spanish name roughly translates to Dax McCarty in English, but the midfield axis of Schweinsteiger and Iniesta makes Chicago’s 2018 dream that much more feasible.
What a ball from @DaxMcCarty11. @niko_nemanja slots it home for the 1-0 lead. #CHIvCLB https://t.co/D79c63gUDJ
— Major League Soccer (@MLS) April 8, 2017
Real talk from @BSchweinsteiger. #cf97 @DaxMcCarty11 pic.twitter.com/hu9G9IqsPm
— Chicago Fire (@ChicagoFire) April 9, 2017
Dax McCarty is completing 71% more long balls per 90 in 2017 than he did in 2016. (and many are leading to goal-scoring opportunities) #cf97 pic.twitter.com/9kJpnE55Uj
— Ben Jata (@Ben_Jata) April 9, 2017