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For The Love Of All That Is Beautiful, Don’t Let Greg Vanney Ruin The MLS Cup Final

2017 was not a good year for U.S. soccer, which concludes its season Saturday, and we can’t let Vanney end it like the MLS Eastern Conference final.

When 2016 ended, many Americans wondered how a year could get any worse. Then 2017 said, “Hold my beer.” The depressing U.S. soccer season will officially conclude with the MLS Cup final between the Seattle Sounders and Toronto FC on Saturday at BMO Field and it can’t come soon enough.

The past year has not been kind to American soccer fans. Despite a workmanlike victory in the Gold Cup over the summer, the failure to qualify for the World Cup was a new low for U.S. soccer in the last 25 years. The MLS Cup final represents the final professional match on the U.S. soccer calendar this year (even if it’s in Canada) and regardless of who wins on Saturday, we just hope TFC coach Greg Vanney doesn’t fuck it up and make a bad year even worse.

This has nothing to do with Vanney’s abilities as a coach. Vanney guided Toronto to the best record in MLS history with 69 points. Yes, he has three of the best players in the league in Sebastian Giovinco, Michael Bradley and Tosaint Ricketts Jozy Altidore, and, sure, the league is more diluted than ever with 22 clubs. But Toronto crushed the opposition, finishing with 12 more points than any other team. Vanney was deservedly named Coach of the Year.

The reason we hope Vanney doesn’t make 2017 any worse than it already is has to do with what he did after Toronto beat #SaveTheCrew darlings Columbus in the MLS Eastern Conference finals. 

After Altidore thankfully scored the two-legged affair’s only goal to send Toronto to its second straight final, Vanney led the crowd at BMO Field in a Viking chant a la Iceland and anyone else who wants to be cool this year. 

Vanney manned the drum, tasked with striking the tom twice for each shout. And like the USMNT against Trinidad and Tobago, he failed. Miserably.

He's no Ringo, but he's still Coach of the Year.

A post shared by Toronto FC (@torontofc) on

You had one job! It’s really not that hard. You don’t have to be John Bonham or Mike Portnoy to bang on a drum for a couple notes. 

MLS Cup final

You had one job, Greg Vanney. One job! Photo: @torontofc | Twitter

With one missed note, Vanney managed to ruin one of the best things in soccer. In a year where the U.S. hasn’t had much to cheer about on the soccer front, that’s just not cool. 

Look, we’re not saying Toronto has to lose the MLS Cup final. We’re not saying Vanney can’t try to redeem himself on the drums. We’re just saying, for the love of the beautiful game, please Greg Vanney, don’t make this year any worse than it already is by screwing up the Viking chant again. 

Is that too much to ask?