Footballers’ Check List For Surviving A Pandemic
So the spread of coronavirus means school’s been canceled or you have to work from remotely for a while? Not sure you can survive being confined to your home? Unclear what to do during quarantine?
Even the most introverted of folks will go stir crazy locked up at home for days on end, but soccer players (and fans) have it especially tough. How do you go from playing and watching soccer all the time to not leaving the house and having no live sports on TV?
We here at The18 understand. It’s hard enough to miss playing soccer on a rainy day, let alone be forced indoors for long periods of time to prevent the proliferation of COVID-19. So we put together a check list for soccer players and fans stuck at home so they don’t go all Jack Torrance on their loved ones.
After you’ve bought all the food, toiletries (hopefully you find some toilet paper) and other daily amenities you’ll need to survive while stuck at home, below is a list of items all soccer players and fans should consider stocking up on before going into quarantine. Just don’t be a dick who hoards necessities while trying to sell them at gouged prices to profit on the pandemic.
First, it should be noted protecting one’s self from spreading the virus is of utmost importance during this stressful time. While young footballers probably are not at much of a risk of death from COVID-19, they can spread the disease to others who are vulnerable. Follow CDC guidelines to prepare you and your family, and remember if you end up quarantined, you’re helping save lives.
Now on to the list of items.
Coronavirus Soccer Stock-Up Check List — What To Do During Quarantine
Mini Soccer Ball
If you’re cooped up inside all day, you’re going to want to do something active. Having a small soccer ball you can kick around and juggle will help take your mind off otherwise-oppressive boredom.
If your house is big enough, you might be able to get away with using a full-size ball at home, but chances are you’ll need a smaller ball, maybe even a hacky sack.
If you’re lucky enough to have a yard and a roommate/sibling to pass the ball around with, all the better. If your home is smaller, find some small pillows or stuffed animals to act as goal posts.
Either way, we at The18 believe every human needs a soccer ball to survive.
While most people will just be binging on Netflix and Hulu while stuck inside, you need to be prepared for the worst possibility of all — the internet going out.
What will you watch if there’s not internet? Old DVDs.
Be sure to have at least a few movies on disc (or downloaded) in case you experience internet hiccups while at home. We suggest starting with Once In A Lifetime, Shaolin Soccer, Kicking And Screaming and the Goal! series.
PlayStation/Xbox Controllers (Don’t Forget The Batteries!)
If you’re going to be stuck inside, you’re going to want to play video games, and that most likely means some intense battles of FIFA. Make sure there are enough controllers so everyone in the house can join in on the fun at once without having to take turns. And if your controllers require batteries, you damn sure better have enough.
Just don’t be like this asshole from a stock photo titled “Young family suffering from computer games addiction.”
This one has multiple purposes. A soccer scarf can be used to remind you of the good times when there was soccer on TV while also keeping you warm. Plus, if you get sick, you can use it to cover your mouth as a makeshift mask to prevent spreading more germs.
If you’re behind on all your soccer podcasts — and undoubtedly you are — now you can catch up. Just make sure you remember to grab your good headphones from school/work before locking yourself at home.
Now is as good a time as any to pick up that book you’ve been meaning to read for about eight months now.
There are tons of good soccer books out there, so here’s a good list if you’re unsure of where to start.
There is a surprising number of soccer-related board games out there. If you’re stuck inside with a roommate who also likes soccer and games, why not find a game from this list that sounds interesting and give it a try? It beats flicking a paper soccer ball around.
Even better, if you can afford it, now’s the best time to buy a foosball table.
Being cooped up can be debilitatingly boring, but booze can make everything seem more interesting. Assuming you’re of age, stock up on the booze of your choice before quarantining yourself, whether it’s moonshine, White Claw, Franzia or Corona. If you live somewhere it’s legal, don’t forget to refill your weed reserves too.
Watching old match replays or boring movies might suck while sober, but with the help of booze/drugs, you’ll be giggling and having fun in no time.
This one is obviously more for those of you who live with your partner(s) and not so much for folks living at home with parents.
If you can’t go outside, you’ve gotta find entertainment inside, and what better way than in the bedroom? As an added bonus, you’ll get a little cardio in without leaving the house. Just remember to have protection to practice the safe sex, otherwise in nine months we’re going to have a population explosion.
Note: This does not apply to the Leroux-Dwyer household, which should keep pumping out as many adorable babies as possible. The future of U.S. soccer depends on it.
If you happen to not be quarantined with a partner, then instead ensure you have a full stock of lube and/or batteries for your favorite sex toy. Being stressed out can hinder your immune system, so go relieve some stress.
Whether it’s the anxiety of a spreading pandemic or the anxiety of not having soccer to play/watch, you might want to curl up under a weight blanket to help soothe your body.