This is the second in a series of unauthorized chapters we made up obtained that were cut from Luis Suarez's autobiography. Today, Suarez explains why he bit Branislav Ivanovic. Click here if you missed part one yesterday.
Life became harder for me after the biting thing. Even my teammates eyed me warily, like I was unstable and could snap at any time. But I was functioning better than ever with the vampirism. Klaus’s man at the hospital was as good as advertised, and I never had to do anything drastic to get my blood fix. I even started eating regular food (all red meat and very rare, but still) again, which made team dinners not so awkward, as they had been before. But I was still suspended, and that was a very difficult time for me. I did not like for my team to be playing without me.
One day, Klaus’s hookup at the hospital became no longer reliable. He came up to me and demanded payment for his keeping me and Klaus’s secret, and also Bakkal, because Klaus had approached him and explained to him the situation. Bakkal was pissed at first, but he accepted it eventually. Anyway, Klaus and his source had an argument and Klaus tried to attack the guy, but the guy got away and even without being bitten.
We set about getting more blood. We decided we didn’t want to bite innocent people and suck their blood to make them vampires. So we snuck into a blood bank and took some blood. We felt bad about this at first but we rationalized our actions by saying if we didn’t take the blood we were going to have to bite innocent people and make them into vampires.
With the blood thing sorted out, I returned to Ajax. My first day back at the club’s headquarters, I walked in and saw Marco van Basten talking to a shadowy figure. It was the man from the hospital! In an instant I knew that he was here to rat me out. I could see by the look on Marco’s face that I was too late to do anything, my secret had been spilled, so I left. The next day, I was shipped to Liverpool.
I guess the people at Liverpool had been told about my position, because the first day Brendan Rodgers took me aside and told me that he knew my secret, and the club was going to take care of everything. I didn’t have to worry about where I was going to get blood anymore.
This allowed me to focus on football, and I started playing better than ever for Liverpool.
Fast forward to 2013.
I am still playing better than ever, and I am happier than ever. I have told my family about the vampirism and they have accepted me. My wife said the only thing that bothered her was how cold I was to the touch but how we coped with that is none of your business.
Then we played Chelsea.
I was making a run down the middle of the field and Branislav Ivanovic grabbed me and held me and now I will reveal the reason I bit his arm.
Klaus had warned me to be cautious of Ivanovic. He said Ivanovic was in league with the “wrong people,” whatever that meant. When Ivanovic was moving to hold me back from getting the ball, I noticed something peculiar in his hand: a small stake. He was trying to kill me! I acted quickly before he could drive the stake into my heart, grabbing his arm and biting it in self-defense.
Ivanovic didn’t like that, but there wasn’t much he could do. He had failed in his assassination attempt, the ref hadn’t seen the bite, and I even scored the equalizer in extra time. Little did I know, I had much more powerful enemies than Branislav Ivanovic, who is now a vampire but still doesn’t like me. No, this incident alerted me to a much more sinister man who was against me: David Cameron.
End of Part 2
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