The MLS Cup final is on Sunday, which means we’ve passed through the silly home and away leg stages relatively unscathed, and are back to a playoff format that makes sense. One game. Winner take all. Deathmatch. OK, not deathmatch (Robbie Keane isn’t quite old enough to croak on the pitch just yet). You get the point. Loser goes home. Winner goes home too, but with a trophy. With that in mind, here are 18 things to know about the MLS Cup final, in descending order because counting up is for soccer games, not soccer articles.
18. The MLS Cup final is at 3:00 p.m. (E.T.) on a Sunday, prime NFL watching time. So it’s not exactly going to be a ratings bonanza. But tune in when your football is at halftime or something. It would be a nice thing to do.
17. Revolution defender Kevin Alston is playing through cancer. You read that correctly. Alston was diagnosed with Leukemia in 2013, and returned to the pitch five months after his diagnosis. He was named MLS comeback player of the year in 2013. He’s not technically in remission, but is stable. You hear how tough athletes are when they play through a bruise or something. Good lord.
16. Youngest player: the Galaxy’s Jake Trainor, at 15-years-old. Trainor has Leukemia, and it was his wish through the Make-A-Wish Foundation to play for the Galaxy. The Galaxy signed Trainor to a contract in May, and per the Galaxy’s website he is still on the roster. Unless I am mistaken, which is entirely possible, this will be the first MLS Cup final featuring two players with cancer. That probably doesn’t happen too often. More power to Jake and Kevin Alston. Get well soon.
16. Oldest player: 36-year-old Shalrie Joseph of the Revolution is just two years younger than his coach.
14. Cozmo is the L.A. Galaxy’s mascot: a gigantic furry blue creature, supposedly from some other Galaxy. Here is Cozmo’s actual bio from LAGalaxy.com:
“In 2001, Cozmo went on a Space Odyssey in search of the perfect Galaxy. He hopped into his lunar space module and headed out to search for his new home. After two years of searching, on June 7th, 2003 while speeding through space he made an emergency left turn to avoid a cow jumping over the moon and was spiraling out of control. Cozmo made a miraculous landing in Carson, CA. As luck would have it he is a U. F. O = Universal Futbol Olympian and he felt right at home. Cozmo wanted to try out for the team but due to unforeseen circumstances (he is not human) he was not allowed to play in MLS but was offered a Millennium contract as mascot of the LA GALAXY. It seems that Cozmo had “The Right Stuff” because the Galaxy went on to win three MLS Cups after he landed in L.A.”
Translation: The MLS is weird. Don’t question it. Just love it.
13. New England’s mascot is Slyde the Fox, because that is a thing that makes sense. Foxes are known as the animal kingdom’s most rebellious creatures. Just kidding. Slyde the Fox makes no sense. He and Cozmo should fight at midfield during halftime of the game. Loser leaves town. Winner also leaves town. We need to put a stop to this trend of MLS teams having mascots who are not Timber Joey. If your mascot doesn’t have a chainsaw, you don’t need a mascot, MLS teams.
12. The Galaxy get to host because they had more points at the end of the season than the Revolution. Alternative explanation: The Galaxy get to host because nobody wants to play or watch soccer outside in Massachusetts in December.
11. The MLS Cup winner is awarded the Philip F. Anschutz trophy. Other things named after Anschutz: the Anschutz sports pavilion at the University of Kansas, the Anschutz library at the University of Kansas, the Anschutz-Budig outstanding librarian award at the University of Kansas, and the the Anschutz Health Sciences library at the University of Colorado’s Anschutz medical campus (seriously). Philip Anschutz is a getting-things-named-after-him machine. He could teach us all a lot.
10. The Galaxy have a Canadian player named Rob Friend, fitting into every Canadian stereotype that exists. Even the names are nice in Canada. In May, the MLS disciplinary committee fined him for diving. We assume he dives like a sissy because Canada doesn’t have a standing army.
9. The Revolution have a player named Daigo Kobayashi, who I thought might be related to former hot dog eating champion Takeru Kobayashi. He is not, sadly.
8. The Stubhub Center is in Carson, California, which is also home to the International Printing Museum and a Goodyear Blimp landing pad, in case you want to do more than just watch soccer. OK, fair enough. Those things are stupid. Stick to the soccer.
7. The final will be played in the Galaxy’s Stubhub Center. Wonder where they want you to go to get tickets for the game?
6. The Revolution came very close to not having Jermaine Jones. The Revolution midfielder came to New England as a designated player via a blind draw between New England and Chicago. They essentially flipped a coin to decide who would receive one of the best players in the league. Fellow The18 writer Ivan Anich’s comment when I told him that story: “Why didn’t he just pick for himself?” Never change, MLS. We revel in your weirdness.
5. The coaching battle: Bruce Arena already had coached his way to two MLS cups when Jay Heaps entered the league in 1999. Fifteen years later, Arena has two more, and is the most respected soccer coach in the United States. Heaps, on the other hand, is 38, almost young enough to still be playing. He has coached New England for five years and, though he doesn’t have any MLS Cups to hang his hat on, he did win MLS rookie of the year back in 1999. So take that, Arena. Should be an interesting matchup, if a bit lopsided on paper.
4. MLS best XI members competing: Landon Donovan, Robbie Keane, Omar Gonzalez (Galaxy), Lee Nguyen (Revolution).
3. The betting line: The Galaxy are favored by a half point, for whatever that’s worth. The over/under is 2 ½ goals, for whatever that’s worth.
2. Lee Nguyen. Dude is pretty good. He played well enough this season for Jurgen Klinsmann to agree to add an MLS player to the USMNT roster, no easy task.
1. This guy’s last professional game ever (he claims). Take a good look. You might not see his kind again around here for a long time.
If you liked this, you might like:
Why It Is Time To Change The Ineffective MLS Schedule
How The Convoluted MLS Cup Playoffs Work
MLS Is Not Happy With Jurgen Klinsmann. Here Is Why.
Follow Sam Klomhaus on Twitter @SamKlomhaus
