Americans loves celebrities like apple pie and making fun of baseball. It’s why late night TV shows constantly barrage us with uninspired interviews of famous actors trying to get us to watch their new thing.
But occasionally, a late night show does something truly inspired. They bring on a soccer player, someone who can actually keep the viewers who aren’t in states where marijuana is legalized awake.
Cristiano Ronaldo won’t be coming back to the United States anytime soon. Amid a Las Vegas police investigation into allegations Ronaldo raped a woman in 2009, the Juventus Preseason Tour 2019 will not swing through the U.S., as it has in recent years, according to reports from the New York Times.
Soccer lends itself to comedy. It is, after all, a game of failure and one in which supporters are required to accept a degree of fatalism with their fandom. Certain aspects of the game require us to adapt a gallows humor, while the overwhelming popularity of the sport also makes it an extremely suitable subject matter to lampoon. The funniest soccer comedy sketches of all time highlight the absurdity of it all.
#1. Monty Python — Philosophers’ World Cup
The 1999 USWNT pulled off one of the greatest triumphs in U.S. sporting history when it defeated China on penalty kicks to win the Women’s World Cup in front of 90,000 screaming fans at the Rose Bowl and millions more watching across the country.
The United States’ win over China on July 10, 1999, marked a seminal moment not just in U.S. soccer history but U.S. sports history. Nearly 20 years later, the 1999 USWNT is still worthy of celebration, still one of the greatest teams to ever wear the red, white and blue of America.
The college admissions bribery and cheating scandal that gave the U.S. a rare opportunity for everyone to come together in outrage last week isn’t a story that’s going away anytime soon, from the celebrities and college soccer coaches implicated to the state of college admissions in the country.
As soon as he puts his recent legal troubles behind him, UFC legend Conor McGregor is ready to hop back into the octagon and beat the piss out of someone. In the meantime, he’s been Ireland’s representative at St. Patrick’s Day festivities across the United States, and it also seems like he’s been watching a lot of Manchester United.
Miami FC and Kingston Stockade FC of the NPSL are currently in the middle of a case challenging how the U.S. Soccer Federation is run and has set up the soccer pyramid in America. The case is on-going in front of the Court of Arbitration for Sport. Late last week more than 100 clubs from the lower divisions signed a letter in support of the two clubs and called for the introduction of promotion and relegation in the U.S.
It was a great weekend for teenage homegrown players in Major League Soccer as two academy products — Toronto FC’s Ayo Akinola and the Philadelphia Union’s Brenden Aaronson — marked their first starts with goals.
Akinola is a 19-year-old who’s recently been called-up for the U.S. pre-U-20 World Cup training camp in Spain. The Detroit-born forward appeared in four matches as a substitute for Toronto last year, totaling only 45 minutes.
However, on Sunday he was given his first start, went 85 minutes in the 3-2 win over New England and scored his first goal.
Everybody knew the atmosphere inside Nippert Stadium for FC Cincinnati’s home debut in MLS would be special, but a 3-0 victory over 2018 MLS Cup finalists Portland Timbers made it an unforgettable afternoon for a capacity crowd of 32,500.
Should we mention that over in Columbus on Saturday, the Crew drew 9,687 fans for a match against FC Dallas, a difference of 22,813? Don’t shoot the messenger.