Tricks

Following Zinedine Zidane’s success at Real Madrid, the appointment of the legendary cerebral midfielder has become the status quo at Europe’s super clubs: Plucky underdogs Chelsea turned to Frank Lampard, Barcelona recently gave Xavi the eyes and Juventus — moments after dismissing manager’s manager Maurizio Sarri — turned to the enigmatic merlot that is Andrea Pirlo.

Back in the days of FIFA Street, you used to have to string together tricks and skills to fill a combo bar which unleashed the GameBreaker — an action that would allow you to score from essentially anywhere, usually by way of scissor kick. 

If this feature were somehow ported into real life, performing the seal dribble would instantly charge that GameBreaker to max capacity. Across the spectrum of sport, I know of no form of self-expression that’s as needless, as brazen and as semiaquatic marine mammal-inspired as the seal dribble.

Somersault throw-ins in soccer are as rare as they are successful. The idea isn’t terrible per se — a launched throw that has the potential to be as effective as a corner kick sounds great. More often than not though, the end result is the thrower embarrassing themselves in front of everyone.

Iranian international Milad Mohammadi’s awful attempt at the World Cup stands as a grave reminder for how it can go wrong.