Spanish Clubs

Before today, Cristiano Ronaldo had 77 goals in the Champions League. Lionel Messi had 77 goals in the Champions League.

Now, Cristiano Ronaldo has 80 goals in the Champions League after converting a second-half hat trick that saw the Portuguese winger bury two penalties against Shakhtar Donetsk, and finish the whole thing off with a header off a rebound.

Messi still has 77 goals, but he doesn't play until tomorrow. Until then we will be giddy with anticipation, because Messi is no stranger to hat tricks himself.

Colombian James Rodriguez has nearly doubled his value in the transfer market since joining Real Madrid. Rodriguez has done this despite not having won La Liga, the Copa del Rey or the Champions League, and despite spending time away from the field due to injuries (he suffered a thigh tear with Colombia during the most recent international break and is expected to be out for several weeks).

Rodriguez’s career at Real Madrid so far seems to be all about numbers, so here are the 20 numbers we would use to explain how it’s gone so far for the young attacking mid.

Cristiano has released a fragrance. This is a surprising thing only because this is the first time Cristiano Ronaldo has released a fragrance. 

We were shocked when we found this out. We figured Cristiano releases fragrances with the same frequency that some of us release bowel movements after we have eaten Taco Bell.

Cristiano's fragrance is called "Legacy," and we have no idea why. We guess it's one of those fragrance names engineered by marketers that's meant to sound kind of cool but ultimately means nothing.

Real Madrid certainly have a high opinion of Ronaldo. Which begs the question, how much is Cristiano Ronaldo worth to them?

Before we get into that, it's also worth asking why wouldn't Real Madrid assign a high value to Ronaldo? He's either the best or second-best footballer and one of the most marketabe athletes in the world. His jerseys fly off the shelves. He's the player people come to see when the come to see Real Madrid.

Paris Saint-Germain know this about Cristiano Ronaldo, and have in the past declared their intentions to buy him from Real Madrid.

While Wayne Rooney was not exactly having the game of his life in Swansea, his family was in Barcelona on holiday. Rooney's son Kai got to take a break from the usual crew at Manchester United and hang out with a different collection of footballers than normal, the likes of Neymar, Messi, Suarez and Gerard Pique.

Being a NYSE-listed company, Manchester United have to make statements to the market whenever there is significant turnover in senior personnel. When Sir Alex Ferguson announced his retirement, for example, it was first communicated in a formal statement to shareholders, and Manchester United PLC’s stock plummeted 4.5%.

A report on Twitter has David de Gea’s transfer from Manchester United to Real Madrid collapsing. 

The documents did not arrive on time!!!!!! Presentation was ready. All agreed. But as it stands de Gea stays at MUFC!!

— Guillem Balague (@GuillemBalague) August 31, 2015

Just in case you forgot how good James Rodriguez is, here's a little reminder.

The baby-faced Colombian attacking mid scored two golazos against Real Betis this weekend.

The first was an absurdly-angled free kick that bent just around the outstretched fingertips of Betis's keeper.

The second  was an overhead kick that must be seen to believe.

Keep up the good work, James.

The Madrid Museum of Wax has a statue of Cristiano Ronaldo in it. That in itself is not so weird. Cristiano is one of the most recognizable athletes in the world, and happens to play for a team in Madrid.

Cristiano saw his statue at the museum. This, too, is not so weird. If there existed a statue of us somewhere, we would likely venture to see it. 

He liked the statue. Still not weird. Statues in and of themselves are essentially compliments and should be taken as such.

He liked that statue so much he commissioned one just like it to be put in his house.