Outrageous

My 15 Incredible Minutes With PES 18 Demo

I’ve never played Pro Evolution Soccer before. Every year I download the demo — one year I even got the full game — but I’ve never actually booted it up and played a match. Until this year.

Sadio Mane Red Card Sets Off Twitter Debate Between Gary Neville And People With Eyes

Sadio Mane earned straight red Saturday after going studs up against Manchester City keeper Ederson. It was a tough call for the refs to decide whether Mane deserved red, or perhaps a deeper shade of red than usual.

The Worst 12-Second Display Of Goalkeeping In The History Of The Game

According to researchers from the Georgia Institute of Technology, all mammals take an average of 12 seconds to poop. Regardless of the size of the rectum, be it an elephant’s sphincter or a cat’s, that s**t is riding a wave of mucus like “a sled sliding down a chute” and out in no time flat. Unless it’s diarrhea — that confounds all mathematical models.

Wayne Shaw Suspended, Fined For Eating Pie vs. Arsenal

Wayne Shaw is an overweight man in his mid 40s who likes to eat pies. We are all Wayne Shaw. 

Sadly for overweight pie eaters everywhere, Shaw was fined and banned for two months from doing a job he was fired from eight months ago — all for eating pie. 

This Product Promises You Abs Like Cristiano Ronaldo. And Eternal Nightmares.

I can't get this commercial out of my head. It's been around for a few years, but I hadn't seen it until last night and, well . . . 

(shudders)

I will have a tough time getting over this one. THE THINGS THESE EYES HAVE SEEN.

(shudders again)

Why does Cristiano Ronaldo have a pulsating spider on his tummy?

(shudders so hard I go into convulsions)

Watch The Brawl That Triggered The Record For The Most Red Cards Ever Shown

You know a dirty game when you see one. Players go flying into tackles, things get chippy and the referee absolutely loses control of the match. Two or three red cards in a match is enough to make people cringe, but how about 36?

No, that’s not a typo — 36 red cards. In one game.

Arsenal Fan Sings Godawful Song In Hopes Of Making Alexis Sanchez Stay

We Don’t Know Who’s Running Roma’s Twitter Feed, But They Deserve A Raise

Patrik Schick. He’s a Czech forward. He signed with AS Roma on Tuesday. But look, no one cares about the player. Let’s talk about that announcement video.

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