Outrageous

I wasn’t at today’s Eredivisie match between Feyenoord and Utrecht at De Kuip (my boss won’t send me to Rotterdam), but I have a pretty good idea of how this scene between the home side’s Steven Berghuis and Utrecht captain Willem Janssen played out. It’s the ultimate enactment of the Sunday Scaries. 

Horror movies are great, but horror movies have a general massive flaw: Once the cat’s out of the bag, they can transform into an hour-long slog of scream-filled monotony. But a proper slow burner, that’s where the true power of the genre lies.

I’m talking The Witch, AMC’s The Terror, Let the Right One In, Hereditary … where the suspense and a general feeling of unease gradually reverberate through your system before THE HORROR OF IT ALL is revealed.

Manchester City did not sweat a lot to destroy Fulham 3-0 on Saturday. It was an easy ride with the sunroof open for every fan at the Etihad stadium, as the team was leading 1-0 (Leroy Sané) by the second minute and bombing Fulham’s 18-yard box the rest of the game.

Zlatan Ibrahimovic scored his 500th goal on Saturday. It was a remarkable goal for a remarkable achievement. But amidst the craziness of Toronto’s 5-3 win over the LA Galaxy on Saturday was a budding Zlatan-Michael Bradley bromance. 

And by bromance, we mean they appear to hate each other.

To steal a phrase from the Colbert Report: New Philadelphia Union mascot Phang: great soccer mascot or greatest soccer mascot?

Let’s rewind a bit.

I'm not a physician, but I feel like I don’t need a medical doctorate to diagnose Cristiano Ronaldo with a rather serious allergy to shirts and clothing in general. In the most recent ad campaign to promote his CR7 Underwear, the Juventus man proved yet again that he and the rest of the world are really better off when he's stripped down to his skivvies.

In 2011, the United States took a 2-0 lead over Mexico in the Gold Cup final. A coworker of mine at the time, who was supposed to be covering a baseball game for the newspaper we worked for, tweeted: “THIS IS THE GREATEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE!!!” This despite the fact he had, earlier that week, found out his wife had finally become pregnant after years of trying. For me, it was just another in a long line of memorable moments from the thrilling USMNT vs Mexico rivalry.