Opinion

Player Goal GIFs Should Be Banned, Hanged, Drawn And Quartered

Why do you like Twitter? Because it’s an easy and convenient way to get highlights? Me too. If you gave any other answer you’re part of the world’s problems, and I truly hope you realize that.

I haven’t drank enough today to tell you about how it turns its ball and chain users into snidey, single-minded devilkin that prefer one marshmallow now as opposed to two later, but no social apparatus has ever been as unabashedly forward about how shallow and stupid it is while its users argue that it’s a wonderful tool for confirmation bias.

Dani Alves Needs To Put A Quarter Up His Butt Because He Just Played Himself

During the quietest moments of the offseason, when nothing is stirring, not even Mino Raiola’s double chin, major footie outlets, without fail, turn to three sources to provide some semblance of news: #1. Diego Maradona — he’s guaranteed to have said something controversial in the last few days. #2. Sir Alex Ferguson — he’s guaranteed to have waxed lyrical on Cristiano Ronaldo or torn into Manchester United in the last few days. #3. Ronaldinho — he’s guaranteed to have done something, anything in the last few days.

MLS Rankings Of Power: Midseason Special, Broh

You probably didn’t notice, but the MLS Rankings of Power went on a long hiatus. It went off into the woods, swallowed a cocktail of hallucinogenics, found a small passage in a dense thicket and wormed its way into a little clearing in the shrubbery. There, it pondered the value of power, the capacity for channeling such robust faculties and the question of how to then present it to the people in a safe for consumption listicle format.

The MLS All-Star Game Would Have Been Much Better If Ronaldo Had Been There

The MLS All-Star Game could have been so much better. Not that it wasn't great. Well, it actually wasn't great, now that we mention it. It was mostly forgettable soccer, various Real Madrid 19-year-olds dinking around old and slow MLS All-Stars, shooting from distance and missing.

But it could have been so much better.

For one, Cristiano Ronaldo should have been there. He wasn't there, because he is so famous he takes personal pre-season publicity tours while his teammates have to share one among themselves. Cristiano's pre-season tour was in southeast Asia.

Finding The Perfect Low Profile, High Support Ankle Brace

Ankle sprains are one of the most common injuries in soccer, comprising between 16% to 29% of all soccer-specific injuries. In order to prevent a sprain from happening or to bolster sprain-weakened ankles, it's important to have a high quality brace.

What Makes Neymar 28x More Expensive Than Amine Harit? A Mad World

Meet Amine Harit, a French U-20 attacking midfielder who just arrived at Schalke 04 via Nantes for $9.5 million. He's not a global sponsor for Nike, Gillette, Panasonic or Beats by Dre, he's never had his own custom Air Jordan sneakers or been featured on the cover of Pro Evolution Soccer, but he remains one of the brightest attacking talents in world football today.

11 Of The Biggest Underdogs For The New European Season

With the start of the 2017-18 European season only days away, we take a look at all three promoted clubs in Europe's top four divisions (EPL, La Liga, Serie A and Bundesliga).

Premier League

Newcastle United

To Save La Liga, We Must All Board The Yellow Submarine

The hype for the 2017-18 La Liga season has been decidedly low-key, and for good reason. Is there really any stopping Real Madrid? The club’s loss of Alvaro Morata hasn’t exceptionally weakened them, and capturing Kylian Mbappe would mean that we’re about 20 years away from parity being restored to European competition.

Transfer Season Is Making Journalists Forget How To Use English

The summer transfer market — the silly season — is infuriating. Sorry, I love soccer, but I’ve just about had it with coverage of these transfers. 

If I have to see one more headline like this, I’m going to kick a soccer ball through my (neighbor’s) computer. 

No one agrees

Neymar Capture Would Signal Beginning Of Galacticos Lite Era At PSG

Barcelona appear to be more and more resigned to losing Neymar to Paris Saint-Germain and with good reason. As a club that continually lures top talent behind the ethos of “You don’t say no to Barcelona”, the Blaugrana aren’t in the business of begging players to stay, no matter how important they are to the side’s makeup.

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