Men

Javier Hernandez has made quite the impression at Bayer Leverkusen.

Zlatan was asked by PSG TV what superpowers he wanted. His answer, because he is Zlatan, was "i already have them."

So, we must speculate on which superpowers Zlatan Ibrahimovic possesses. This should be fun.

Mexico tied Argentina Tuesday, 2-2, in a lively match that got more interesting as it went. Mexico took a 2-0 lead into the 85th minute via a Chicharito Hernandez penalty kick and a nice shot from Hector Herrera, but Sergio Aguero and Lionel Messi proved too much for Mexico to contain near the end. Here are our takeaways.

It was mostly positive for Mexico, given they drew with one of the best teams in the world.

They played 85 minutes of solid soccer.

The USMNT's prospects for winning the Confederations Cup playoff next month against Mexico are not looking very good, if the team's form against Brazil Tuesday is any indication. Brazil annihilated the USMNT 4-1 behind two goals from Neymar. This is a result that demands a bit of wild speculation, which we are only too happy to deliver, in the form of positive and negative takeaways from the game.

There were quite a few negatives. Here are three.

Does Jurgen Klinsmann have any idea what he's doing?

Cristiano Ronaldo is the boss. 

We already knew this, but we couldn't grasp just how boss Cristiano Ronaldo is. 

"How boss is he?"

Cristiano Ronaldo is so boss that he rides in the front of the plane when Portugal go places.

Not, like, the front seats of the plane. Cristiano Ronaldo is so boss he rides in the effing cockpit. And he tells the pilots where and how to fly the plane (probably).

And the pilots let him bring a friend. Cristiano Ronaldo is so boss he gets to ride in the cockpit and he gets a plus-one. 

Carlo Ancelotti has seen it all. If you think that the Real Madrid team he coached last year was the most talented team he has ever managed, then you haven’t heard of the AC Milan sides of the mid 2000s. Yes, the 2014/15 version of Real Madrid had Cristiano Ronaldo, Gareth Bale, James Rodriguez, Sergio Ramos, Karim Benzema, Luka Modric, and Toni Kroos; yes, all of those players could be the best player at a top club.

As if there was ever a dull moment in the world of FIFA these days; issues revolving around the 2018 and 2022 World Cups continue to get worse. The laborers involved with constructing the Russian World Cup stadiums have come out saying they haven’t been paid for their work in months.

It's hard to say if Bayer Leverkusen knew they were gong to pick up a heck of a lot more fans after bringing in Mexican striker Javier "Chicharito" Hernandez from Manchester United, but that is what happened.

We can tell that's what happened because when the transfer was announced earlier this week Bayer Leverkusen's website actually crashed.

It seems to us that no team really understands how huge soccer is in Mexico until they bring aboard a Mexican player. Chicharito's transfer announcement garnered more than 50,000 likes on Facebook and more than 15,000 retweets. 

This is just too much soccer talent for one meeting. Lionel Messi, hands-down the best male soccer player in the world, was in Houston training with the Argentine national team. Carli Lloyd, hands-hown the best female soccer player in the world, was also in Houston, because she plays for the Houston Dash of the NWSL. A rendesvous seemed obvious. And it happened. 

This is a public service announcement for journalists covering press conferences in which Zlatan Ibrahimovic happens to be speaking, especially journalists whom Zlatan Ibrahimovic doesn't particularly like: maybe don't ask Zlatan questions that will make him turn into a fire-breathing Swedish monster, throwing insults around like he's at the roast of Donald Trump or something.