Any thoughts Wayne Rooney had of a happy return to Manchester were ritually sacrificed by being set on fire and danced around by his former teammates.
To wit:
Antonio Valencia, who spent eight seasons as Rooney's teammate in red, welcomed his former captain back by thundering a volley past Jordan Pickford in the fourth minute.
You must know by now the fun stat that is floating around on the Internet regarding Marcus Rashford's prowess in debuts. The 19-year-old Manchester United forward is a debut goal machine.
Marcus Rashford debuts...
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It’s really no surprise. North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un is a Manchester United fan. What else would you expect from a man as successful as the Supreme Leader? The two are a perfect match.
Manchester United won the first Premier League title in 1993. Kim was able to drive a car by age 3.
Manchester United has won three Champions League titles. Kim won a yacht race at age 9.
August was a kind month for Manchester United and France midfielder Paul Pogba. United currently sit atop the Premier League table after trouncing West Ham, Swansea and Leicester by a combined scoreline of 10-0, with Pogba scoring two goals and registering an assist in three dominating individual displays.
He was duly awarded the club’s Player of the Month award, and with Nemanja Matic now anchoring the midfield alongside him, the Frenchman used August as a showcase of things to come.
No matter where Ravel Morrison goes or what he does with his career, there’ll always follow a quote from former Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson regarding his prodigious talents as a teenager: “Sadly, there are examples of players who have similar backgrounds to [Ryan] Giggs or Cristiano Ronaldo, who, despite enormous talent, just aren’t emotionally or mentally strong enough to overcome the hurts of their childhood and their inner demons.
Can you hear it? Playing over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again? It’s the Champions League anthem. The best thing to happen to Tuesdays and Wednesdays since Frasier went off air is nearly back.
Thursday marked the Champions League group stage draw in Monaco but we know you only care about two things, so let’s get them out of the way.
Qarabag was drawn into Group C and Christian Pulisic is in Group H, with two more matches against Real Madrid in store, not to mention a date at Wembley.
Ending months of speculation, Zlatan Ibrahimovic announced he would be returning to Manchester United in the most Zlatan of ways on Thursday.
I UNITED it @ManUtd pic.twitter.com/2rgvuvoT0m
— Zlatan Ibrahimović (@Ibra_official) August 24, 2017