Liverpool

The Merseyside derby was today. It had everything you'd expect from such an occasion: tackles, fouls, more fouls, lots of fouls, all the fouls, every foul, grabbing, holding, kicking, Ross Barkley doing something extremely stupid, Jordan Henderson stomping around with his chest puffed like a guy who's had a few too many and thinks everyone is looking at his girlfriend, more fouls and exactly one goal.

But what a goal.

Here is a video of Roberto Firmino's highlights so far this season:

Whoops! We have just been informed that this is in fact not Roberto Firmino's 2016 Liverpool highlight video. We apologize.

That video should be about Roberto Firmino, though, because Roberto Firmino's teeth are incredible.

Loris Karius, who last season was voted the second-best goalkeeper in the Bundesliga, is in a war of words with Gary Neville, who has never been a goalkeeper but is paid to pretend he knows things about goalkeeping on TV.

No goalkeeper is immune to the vast amount of criticism that will inevitably come their way. Whether being rounded on for a costly howler, unavoidable inexperience or just a perceived general lack of command, a keeper's life is an incessant trial by fire.

A 20-year-old David de Gea making consistent Premier League appearances for Manchester United during his first season in England was a “dodgy keeper” that needed “to grow into his kit”. 

Roberto Firmino's Liverpool contract reveals a level of saltiness that's not been seen in these parts for quite some time.

What follows is my favorite paragraph of soccer journalism so far in 2016.

Via Goal:

Mario Balotelli's bad reputation reportedly netted him one of the sweeter contract bonuses we've heard of.

Reportedly, a series of documents released by Football Leaks shows Balotelli had a clause in his contract that entitled him to a ￡1 million bonus each season if he was not sent off three or more times.

Balotelli was not sent off during his first season at Liverpool and spent the second season on loan at AC Milan.

Liverpool fans were probably the only people who really cared who Ben Woodburn was before this season started, but they were very excited about him.

After the youngster scored against Leeds United in the EFL Cup Tuesday, though, the cat's out of the bag. Woodburn, at 17 years and 45 days old, broke the record held by Michael Owen (17 years and 143 days) for youngest-ever Liverpool goalscorer.

Here are the match highlights: