Humor

The fighting spirit of Uruguay has enabled the country with a population of just 3.5 million (smaller than Connecticut) to collect two World Cup titles and the ninth-most wins in the tournament’s illustrious history. However, this combativeness has occasionally crossed the line, most notably in the collection of the fastest red card in World Cup history and Luis Suárez’s bite of Giorgio Chiellini.

Whether it’s Kicking & Screaming, Ted Lasso or my personal favorite Pups United, Hollywood is genuinely obsessed with “running plays” when attempting to dramatize the game of soccer. 

Without a quarterback, point guard, catcher, timeouts or commercial breaks to dream up some sort of grand vision that topples the antagonist, screenwriters freak the hell out when confronted by the flowing, off the cuff ingenuity that defines the beautiful game. 

The Primeira Liga in Portugal produced one of the worst offside calls ever on Sunday in the final minutes of a crucial game between Porto and Braga.

The game between the league’s second and third-placed clubs went down to the wire with Braga mounting a late comeback after trailing 2-0.

Braga scored its first goal against 10-man Porto in the 87th minute. Mexican star Jesús Corona was sent off in the 60th minute.

Braga was on the attack again in the 90th minute when a bizarre offside call stopped play and made the club’s players and coaching staff lose their minds.

When Ryan Succop nailed a 51-yard field goal with just under three minutes remaining in the third quarter of Super Bowl LV, the game was effectively decided in favor of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, rendering the fourth quarter into nothing more than a giant advertising exercise for Paramount Plus. 

During the ongoing Covid-19 pandemic with more people working from home, it’s not uncommon for house pets to join in on work meetings. My cat has jumped into my lap during countless Zoom meetings, either loving the attention or completely oblivious. Pets have also continued to pop up in soccer matches; we’re never upset to see a good boy or girl interrupt a game in search of a belly rub. 

But everyone has to get back to work eventually, and when an animal doesn’t leave you alone, drastic measures must be taken, as was the case as a dog was shown a red card this week in Serbia.

Imagine you took the Premier League and made some drastic changes: removed all the money, gathered the most random assortment of players, had every match played in unbearable wind and rain and turned up the patter by a factor of 10. Only then can you begin to imagine what goes on in Scottish soccer.

On Dec. 9, 2020, Emerson Carioca scored the goal that gave Sampaio Correa promotion to the Carioca Championship. To everyone's surprise, the player decided to celebrate it by TAKING OFF HIS CLOTHES! In front of the Maricá bench, the rival on duty that day.