Humor

The18 videographer Mariel McCown was found face down at her desk Wednesday afternoon, diagnosed with something called LaCroix lethargy. 

Two days ago, McCown had told the office manager about the urgent lack of LaCroix in the office fridge, but little was done to remedy the situation. The result was an employee left without anything but water and coffee to drink for most of the day.

Fortunately, McCown responded well to a treatment of beer at 4 p.m., but we’re going to keep an eye on her energy levels throughout the remainder of the week.

These days, you’re not a football star if you don’t have a statue. Whether it’s been possessed by a demon or part of a prank, everyone from Cristiano Ronaldo to David Beckham has one. So of course, there’s a Zlatan statue now.

This is, without a doubt, my favorite time of the year. On Sunday, the FC Bayern Munich squad made its annual trip Oktoberfest, which is perhaps the greatest tradition in all of sports. I would play for Bayern Munich just for this reason. I would also drink five steins of Hofbräu Dunkel Weizen, miss practice the next day, get sent to train with the reserves and be the subject of an article on The18 entitled “Whatever Happened To Connor Fleming? A Case Of Too Much Dunkel,” but that’s besides the point.

We’ve all been there at one point or another. 

You get all excited about a big game, join a bunch of like-minded fans and get ready for what you hope is an event to remember.

Then your team gets absolutely hammered and you respond by getting absolutely hammered.

Except, only Steve Nash has to go on TV afterward.

Coaching soccer can be quite fun.

I know this because I am a soccer coach. It’s especially rewarding when players, especially the younger ones, have that lightbulb moment where things start to click about what they’re supposed to be doing on the field and they do it well.

FC Barcelona players arrived at the club’s Ciutat Esportiva Joan Gamper training center this morning only to find the doors locked and a piece of paper taped to the entrance reading: “El fin.” 

On Sunday, the Czech First League had one of its biggest games of the season: the Prague derby between rivals Sparta Prague and Slavia Prague. The match went down at Letná Stadium, home of Sparta, but the visitors — and current league-leaders — Slavia emerged with a 3-0 win.

After Tomáš Souček had given Slavia the lead with a 19th-minute penalty, the game’s pivotal moment arrived in the 55th minute. With Slavia pushing hard to increase its lead, the two-goal cushion finally arrived in bizarre fashion.

A Dutch youth has hit the worm harder than anyone before him. 

I’ll be honest, my first great hope was that this b-boy was just really into 1980s funk subculture (and maybe he is), but I had to know one thing for sure, so I typed “Is the worm in Fortnite?” into Google. It’s with some sadness that I report the answer as yes, but the worm is still a huge improvement over the floss dance and whatever the hell Antoine Griezmann does. 

The Houston Dash are probably the least popular club in the NWSL. They’re the only team without a USWNT player and they’re seemingly allergic to scoring, with only the dysfunctional Sky Blue having fewer goals. 

So maybe they’re on to something with this basketball thing.

The Dash, all but out of the playoff running in NWSL, practiced basketball on Thursday as Houston was smashed by a tropical depression, making outdoor training impossible.