Each narrative in the English Premier League has a nauseatingly long lifespan until it utterly annihilates itself — it’s annually cyclical, like the depiction of a serpent eating its own tail. We belabor the same statistics, the same trends and the same memes until we’ve had our fill, proceeding to damn them out of existence like a child pop star whose career of cultural martyrdom has run its course.
Jugar fútbol es participar en una comunidad global de experiencias compartidas. Todos vemos partidos, absorbemos los métodos y estilos de otros y hablamos un idioma universal, el idioma del juego que amamos. Al igual que todo en la vida, el fútbol tiene sus fases, tiene sus altibajos, pero no lo cambiaríamos por nada, porque al final, el fútbol siempre nos ha dado más.
Aquí están 18 cosas que muestran que tenemos más cosas en común que cosas que nos dividen.
(David Attenborough voice)
Ah, yes, this is the rare Canadian Howler. This creature is exceedingly rare, but when sighted it never disappoints.
lmao pic.twitter.com/vryk1BIjZ4
— nick (@nick_pants) May 11, 2017
James Milner had a penalty saved on Sunday. It was his first failure to convert since 2009. Before he took it, Southampton goalkeeper Fraser Forster stepped up to the spot and whispered sweet nothings into Milner's ear. Did it affect Milner? After the match, Milner said he's been around long enough for that sort of thing not to bother him.
Oh come on Jimmy no one believes that.
What did Forster say that so unnerved the unflappable Milner? We have some speculations:
"James are you sure you didn't leave the kettle on this morning?"
That man in the picture above is not Lionel Messi. He is an imposter. We wouldn't blame you for thinking he's real, though. A lot of people thought he was real, so many that the police had to get involved.
Here are three very alarming sentences from the BBC:
So many people in the city of Hamaden wanted a picture with Reza Parastesh that police took him to the station and impounded his car to stop the chaos.
Look at that!
Up in the sky!
What is it?
It's a bird!
No, it's a plane!
No, it's Francis Coquelin!
Coquelin flying pic.twitter.com/vPH7vC9jat
— TouchofÖzil (@Touchofozil) May 7, 2017
Cristiano Ronaldo scared the hell out of me this morning. I was up watching Arsenal vs. Manchester United and idly scrolling through twitter when I saw this:
Love you#happymothersday pic.twitter.com/SrkoGJHzxn
— Cristiano Ronaldo (@Cristiano) May 7, 2017