Funny

Cristiano Ronaldo Finally Has A Statue That Isn't Hilarious

You may remember previous iterations of Cristiano Ronaldo statues, including but not necessarily limited to the one that's really happy to see you and the one that may or may not be Frankenstein's monster. For all Cristiano's charms, he just can't seem to catch a break as far as getting a statue that actually looks like him. Until now.

Here Comes A Monkey With The Match Ball

A macaque monkey (fun fact: the most widespread primate genus aside from humans) delivered the match ball in a Japanese J-League match over the weekend while threaded out in full Cerezo Osaka kit. The monkey attempted a brief session of free styling before picking up the football and delivering it to the referee.

It’s not as riveting as War for the Planet of the Apes, but you do get the feeling that an evolved chimpanzee like Caesar would absolutely hate something like this.

Quaresma Had No Choice But To Nutmeg The Referee During A Match

We posited on Tuesday that Liverpool’s Roberto Firmino is the most disrespectful player in the game. But Firmino does his dirty deeds to opponents. Ricardo Quaresma is disrespectful to referees. Which is worse?

Before Firmino scored his naughty no-look goal against Sevilla, Besiktas winger Quaresma pulled off this little maneuver, nutmegging the assistant referee while waiting to take a corner kick against Porto in their Champions League match.

Roberto Firmino Is The Most Disrespectful Player In The Game

Roberto Firmino will pull your pants down, pull them back up and then pull them back down again and laugh at you.

Watch This Goalie Make An Excellent Catch 10 Yards Outside His Box And Get Sent Off

German Lux has excellent hands, and you can see them on dispay here. The River Plate goalkeeper's excellent catch against Independiente probably saved a goal and also got Lux sent off. Independiente won 1-0, but I think we all know who the real winner is.

Also, we should talk about how amazing a name "German Lux" is. We should LUXuriate in it, if you will.

Here are some possible professions for someone named "German Lux":

Casino Owner

Cult Leader

Grifter

Cruise Ship Lounge Singer

Strip Club Bartender

Anthropology Professor

This Own Goal Is Cruel But Also Kind Of Awesome

Fankaty Dabo is spending this season at Vitesse Arnhem on loan from Chelsea (one of his back-line mates is American international and fellow Chelsea loanee Matt Miazga), and one thing he has shown is he DEFINITELY has the touch.

Look at this: the weight, the placement. It's beautiful.

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